What should i do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
What should i do
4
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 6:40am

I have found myself in the toughest situation i have ever faced and i simply cannot deal with this myself anymore. I need advice on what i should do or how i should deal with this situation. Aright here it is..........

There is this girl and ive have wanted to be with her since i met her and finally about 2 months ago we started hanging out. Things were going great we hung out everyday. Then we started to hook up and things got even better because, for me it was the first time i had ever kissed or done anything with someone because i really did like them. She said that she had had feelings for me too and i was even more happy. One day she says she wants to talk to me, and she tells me that she likes hanging out but we cant be together. I asked her why not and she said because she likes me too much. She says if we get together then she will end up hurting me, and she says she cant do that to me. I asked how she would hurt me, Would she cheat or what? she said she wouldnt cheat. But she would end up hurting me. How? What im trying to tell her is that by not being together is hurting more than she could ever hurt me. I cant get my mind off of things. She still wants to hang out but no more hooking up because she likes me too much. I cant get this sick feeling out of my stomach. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 12:04pm

Couple of questions.

1. how old are you?
2. are you m or f?

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:14pm
Im a 19-year-old Male
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:17pm

I just wanted to be sure, so I can answer without assumption.

I'm not sure why she's saying that, but to be honest, it sounds like she's just not that into you, as much as you are into her. She could actually hurt you a HELLUVA lot more than if you weren't with her, trust me.

At your age, things hurt, like you have never felt, but when you've been thru that feeling a few times, things don't phase you as much.

My only suggestion, as hard as it would be for you, is to let her go. And not remain friends with her. I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you and thinking you two can be friends is better than nothing, however, for you, it'll hurt a lot more, being a friend, who can't tell her how you feel, to be a friend who has to watch her fall for someone else, to be a friend.......will hurt a LOT more than not being with her. Trust me on this one.

Big hugs to you. I know you fell hard for her.........and it's unfortunate that she didn't fall for you as hard. but well, that's life. and love is worth living for. even if you have to hurt and find another.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:27pm

my take of this is one of two things:

1) she's full of it and just doesn't want a relationship, but doesn't know how to break it to you.

2) she sounds a lot like me: i am very very careful when it comes to relationships. i'm great with starting them, but not so great with ending them. even if i feel like i really like someone, when things get too close i end up pushing them away and they get hurt. or as a defense mechanism she unconsiously finds things wrong that push her away--this is something women do to keep themselves from getting hurt (i do this ALL the time and i don't really have a lot of control with it). this might be the case with her.

in either case....back off a bit. don't pressure her for a relationship. if she does really like you she'll come around with time--and it won't event take that long. and if it is number one and you back off, then it gives you the opportunity to slowly get her out of your system.