What should I do?? Feel so bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
What should I do?? Feel so bad!
1
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 7:01pm

I have got into the worst situation I can imagine.. I NEED YOUR ADVICE to get out of this situation that makes me feel so terrible.. I have no idea what to do!!

There are two guys involved in this...

Guy 1: I met him in spring and we immediately connected. We met through common friends, and we had so much fun together and so much to talk about. I fell for him.. We talked online and spent some time together. He told me he had a girlfriend and I was really disappointed but still kept in touch with him.
We both go to college and he went home over the summer. But we kept in touch, mostly by text messaging. He's been so caring all summer, he has remembered things that meant a lot to me, he has been so kind and sweet. We have met a few times during the summer, but nothing has happened between us. But he's been on my mind all the time.

Guy 2: I met him in July, we are almost neighbours and started talking outside the house. He says he already then knew he wanted to be with me. So he kept pursuing me A LOT and then once when I was feeling so bad because Guy 1 had a gf I decided to give this guy a chance. So we started dating and I enjoyed his company. This is almost 4 weeks ago. It was and is nice being with him, but it goes up and down. One time I feel how much I care about him and how happy I am, the next time I feel we don't have anything to talk about and that he just annoys me. He's a very gentle and caring guy, he thinks of my best and really likes me a lot and says I'm the best that has ever happened to him.

His sense of humour can be a little rough, but we can also have really serious conversations and are really attracted to each other. We haven't had sex yet, and I think it's so good of him not to push anything. We have talked about it and he says he'll wait for me. He already talks about next summer and all. He has good opinions, it feels like he opens up more and more to me and we can talk about more and more.

It's just that our relationship (yes he calls me his gf) feels like we have been together for many years, it's not like I'm walking on air, or think about him all the time. But still I enjoy spending time with him. But he never does anything extra for me, I never get any sweet text messages, he's never done anything to surprise me.. nothing that sweet.. no small gifts, no flowers etc..

I thought GUY 1 and I could just be friends. I saw that as the only way since he still was with his gf. Once this summer he told me they have been together for four years and it feels like they are just friends. Now he's back from his home town and invited me over for coffee the other night. We had a really nice time, I spent 3 hours there, but we didn't talk about us or anything. We have actually never done that before last night. We were at the campus club partying. I spent most of the night with GUY 1, but GUY 2 was also there and he finally found me and I spent some time with him. Then he went home and I spent more time with guy 1. We danced the last dances and he asked me about what was going on with GUY 2, and that it felt terrible seeing me and him together. Then this guy started opening up about his feelings for me like never before. He said he became interested in me the first time he saw me, that we have so much on common, that he's been thinking of me the whole summer, that he definitely feels strongly for me, how right everything feels with me, that I understand him etc. That he just can't ignore his feelings for me even though he has a gf. I agreed and said it's been a weird summer for me too.. having him on my mind all the time. I also told him about guy 2 and how things are with us.

He told me how things are with his gf. He said things aren't very good between them. she lives in his home town. He said it's just so hard breaking up with her since their families spend so much time together and their parents expect them to get married. It would cause so much pain to others than his gf. So I understand he's in a difficult situation. He's not a player, he's just so confused, I completely trust him and he's never tried to do anything with me.
We didn't find a solution last night, our friends made it impossible but we said we have to finish that conversation at some other time.

So what do I do now? I'm not sure if he'll break up with his gf or not. And if he does.. it's been four years and it's not a good thing rushing into a new relationship that quickly. I like this guy a lot and my friends think we should try because they think I should regret it for my whole life if we didn't, because they know how much I like him.
But at the same time... what if he never breaks up with his gf and I break up with guy 2.. Still I like guy 2 and don't want to ruin that either. I wish I could have them both and see... I don't want to break up with guy 2 because I think it could be something good between the two of us aswell. What should I do? Guy 1 knows about guy 2. Guy 2 thinks guy 1 is just a really good friend of mine but nothing more.
I FEEL SO BAD YOU CAN'T IMAGINE! It feels like this is a situation that can't end in other than a disaster. And just so you know. I'm 21 and both guys are 23. I would be so happy if you help me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 11:05am

Sometimes what we don't know CAN hurt us.

How do you think you'd feel if you were in Guy 1's gf's place? Maybe she thinks everything is fine and has no idea her bf is expressing interest/feelings in someone else (namely you). How fair is that to her and how fair would it be to YOU if you were the gf and she was in your place? I'm sure you wouldn't like it.

You may really like Guy 1, but his values (or lack of them) really stink. This would've been a better scenario had he been free to see you instead of already having a gf and expressing his interest in you. Talking about his gf behind her back to you isn't good either.

Guy 2 gets my vote.

Good luck.

Heymum