What should I think about this?
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| Mon, 05-08-2006 - 2:35pm |
After a conversation with my mom last night, my boyfriend said all she talks about is marriage and he doesn't want it to always be on my mind. He wants it to be a suprise, and me not be thinking about it. I don't really see a proposal too soon, possibly in AUgust around our 18 months but thats unlikely. SO I don't know what he meant by that. I asked him if he even wanted to get married and he said yes but got kinda upset and said I never focus on anything good he does( I do and he does a lot of sweet things) He always says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and wake up next to me and fall asleep together and that he loves me, but if he doesn't want to think about marriage what should I think? He acted like he never wanted to think about it, but he tells me he wants to spend forever with me- thats going to make me think about marriage. Wouldn't it you?
I just need to know what others think. I know he loves me, and that I really need to talk to him about this. I thought we resolved this last night and I don't really have time to talk to him today. So, what do you think. Is he scared? Or does the idea not fancy him anymore even though he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. Or does he really want it to be a suprise and is planning on a proposal soon....

May I ask how old the two of you are? Also, are there any other aspects that would effect the timing of marriage (education, financial etc)?
Lastly, and most importantly, have the two of you discussed what you are looking for in a relationship? Can he tell you what HE wants for himself?
Dear kreestar:
I don't know if you've ever visited the marsvenus message board or read any of the mars venus books. I know when I first read them, I thought, "how quaint but archaic these notions are!" But thousands of years of human history, and not much has changed in our male/female roles. Men are creatures of the moment--they thrive on spontaneity, the "hunt" mode. They like to pursue and win a woman. Hence, your guy thinks you and your mom are out to "trap" him. And he's putting up a fight.
Obviously, he cares very much for you and wants to win you! His primary positive happy buttons are appreciation, admiration, and trust. You can tap into these all the time, any time! I know you are already doing this, but try doing it on purpose and watch him light up. Men like indirect admiration, whereas we like direct admiration. When he tells you you're beautiful, that's direct admiration. When you tell him you love it when he makes you feel safe and happy, that's indirect admiration.
The next time he takes out the garbage or does something you like, admire him indirectly by telling him how happy, warm, safe, secure, (you supply the adjectives) he's made you feel. There's a ton of excellent practical advise on the marsvenus message boards, so I hope to see you there.
All best, beyondmeasure