What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
What would you do?
6
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 9:09am

If you've been together for years, you have kids together, but he still won't tie the knot - what

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:57am

Well, honestly I would never get myself into that situation.


If however, my sister or very best friend were, I would suggest to her that she really examine if this is something she's willing to go to battle over. If she's willing to take the steps necessary, but

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:26pm

My sister has a child with a man, and we all did NOT want her to marry the man. He already had 4 children and was a daily pot smoker. They were engaged and called it off 3 times, all because she would postpone it. Now they are broken up for good, I hope.

I hope that I am not in that situation, but I'd want the woman to be very sure that this was a man she wanted to hitch her star to. Can't just go with your heart. I'd probably move on, knowing what I know now - that is, if my plan was to be in a happy, healthy, long-term marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 1:35pm
*bumping up for edit*

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 7:27am

Dansfoxywife,


I honestly wish you would stop referring to happy cohabitation between two people where marriage is not an issue as 'roomates with sexual benefits'. This is beyond generalised and untrue. And I personally find it extremely rude and offensive.


Newlyfoundsunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 11:41am

The same principle would apply in this situation with kids or not. However having kids adds to that situation. Really there's only so much you can do when you are in a situation like that, you can explain your intentions to your BF, tell him what you want. More importantly ask him in the beginning does he see himself getting married, and see where he is throughout the relationship. Honestly it's one of those things in life that you really can't understand it until you have lived it.

I personally was in a long relationship w/o kids and got a bunch of answers from "I don't wanna get married", "to when I propose to you..", and so on. After a few years, I had to make the choice to move on. I made sure after that I was fully able to support myself financially and didn't need someone else to support me. If any guy were to have given me a realistic timeframe, and actually held up to that, then I might wait depending on how the relationship is.

Bottom line, if you are comfortable with that situation, that's great. If he gives you a timeframe and doesn't hold up to that, it's time to go. Main thing that you need to establish things up front, and stick to your values.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 12:59am

I'm sorry you're offended, but that's the dirty ugly truth of what the situation is. Minus the and sugar coating PC feel-goods, it's generalized because it's

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket