what would you do????
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 9:22am |
so i have been dating this man, im really into him, we laugh, have this amazing connection. we were dating prior and then stopped seeing each other, then started up again, so its been 2 weeks and things were going pretty good, so last night we went out to dinner, had a drink at the bar and he had a very bad day and was in a bad mood, so i tried to lighten up the situation, anyway started him laughing and we were having a great time. so we got on the subject of us, so i asked him if we were on the same page, he said yes im very happy were spending time together, but right now i have nothing to offer you, i told him i wasnt asking for anything, so what you are saying is you dont want to see me, he said no i want to see you but right now im in a bad way. i need sometime to sort things out, i said well what a few weeks, isnt that what you did for about 4 weeks prior to us seeing each other again. i said why cant you hang out and see what happens? he said he doesnt want me to pass anything by since he cant give me what i need right now.
fine appreciate the honesty, but when was he going to tell me this since we have been out 5 times in 2 weeks? did he just tell me because i brought up the subject. so my reaction was just take me home, i cant hang out with you and just be your buddy, with the hope of something happening in the future, he said cant we be friends, i said no i cant do that with the way i feel about you, i think i acted rash because i was shocked i thought i found my match, which i now he is perfect for me, and all im doing today is thinking about what to do, i know i want him in my life, but i cant be his buddy, i want more from him would you talk to him, and if so what would you say???

My two cents. He's already told you what you need to hear. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Not now. Maybe not later. He's got issues and can't offer you anything.
Therefore, if you care about him, let him go. He's not a match, mostly because he's not in the same place as you are in life, nor does he want the same things. Matches are people who complement your life, not cause issues to it. And he'll cause issues.
hugs. I know it's hard, but save yourself the heartache. Move on. Tell him, you can't be his friend, but maybe, one day you can....when YOU'RE ready.
Be strong. Don't settle for a guy who can't give you anything, not even more than friendship.
~pineapple_girl
Do you honestly think one day you can be his TRUE friend? Meaning, you'll have absolutely no problem watching him fall head over heels in love. If you feel you never can, you might as well leave thigns as tehy are.
If you feel you need to say something, I'd say, handwrite a note or something and send it. And simply tell him you're sorry how you acted, but you were hurt at the time, and you're sorry you can't be friends right now, butyou hope one day you can be.
and don't expect a response.
And if you can't do that, and you must call him. I'd start with, "don't talk, just listen to me please" and say it and then say, "thanks for listening, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life, good-bye". cuz if he starts talking, i'm afraid he'll start saying things like, "we can still hang out, we can still be like this or that" and you'll get sad, and want it and you'll ACCEPT those lousy terms.
hugs.
~pineapple_girl
maybe one day i could be his friend, i lived with someone(we split about 2 yrs ago) we were planning on getting married and then due to unforseen circumstances, like him sleeping with other people, we split, i never thought i would ever be his friend, he crushed me, but today he is my closest friend, he lives with his new girlfriend and she is great, we spend alot of time togther,
im not in love with ted, i really just feel bad, i am a very direct honest person and i dont like the way i behaved, and maybe ill just wait till i run into him, its a small town, bound to see each other eventually, thanks for listening and giving me a clearer perspective