Whats goin on?! need some advice please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Whats goin on?! need some advice please!
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 11:45am

2 months ago we let each other know there are feelings between us she had said she was confused about what her feelings for me meant. Normally i woulda took that as she letting me down easily. Eventually about 2-3 weeks later after that we were textin talkin on the phone all the time (she goes to school 8 hours away so i never see her unless she comes visit her family on her breaks,) she seemed less confused.

So weve been just contactin through phone for past 2 months and last week we talk and she ask what i was doin which i was at a starbucks and she shows up out of nowhere to surprise me. Hadnt told me she was coming up here and noone knew besides her parents. So we kick it from there and we go to a bar and we chill in the parking lot after. She gets close huggin me and whatnot nd she wants me to kiss her so we get into it, gets kinda heavy nd long but nothing more happened

So the next day we kick it all day she comes by my house meets my parents real quick so it seems koo. Then the following day we meet up go out kick it wit some of the cousins drinkin. As we leave shes walkin in front and kinda waits for me to walk up and grab her from behind so i do and she grbas my hand. We finally make it to the car and we just talkin and i lean in for a kiss and she pulls back and i go in again and she gives in. Then she starts sayin that
"she liked what had happened the other night but it was to fast cause we went from friends to kissin like that"

so i told her if your not feelin all this right now just let me know. her response was if tht was the case i woulda let u know. She said shes goin through so much nd has jus ben one mind tracked right now with school. I would also take that as an easy letdown to me but the little signs say otherwise. i called last night just to say wassup and she called back, i figure if she dont want to lead me on she wouldnt answer or respond to my txt knowin that i have feelngs for her to make it clear that shes not interested like that right?

She comes all the way up here and im the first person she visits
her phone background pic is a pic of us 2
the way we things went down in the parkin lot

so what does this girl need or want. cause all she has to say is im not feeling it or we should just be friends which she is the type who would.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 3:25pm

"so what does this girl need or want"

That's the problem - She has no idea. And if she doesn't know, no one else can tell you.

I highly suggest not getting too involved with confused girls who don't know what they want. If you invest in her emotionally she'll probably disappoint you. It's not that she isn't interested in you at all - She just doesn't know what she's looking for.

You should continue to meet people and date as usual. If this girl really wants to be with you, she'll decide relatively quickly and she will not go back and forth on it. Let her make up her mind but don't wait around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 4:17am
Hate to break it to you, but the girl is either playing you or really not that into you. Girls are rarely THAT confused as she pretends to be. I don't know what was going on in her head when she kissed you, maybe she wasn't sure whether she actually liked you or not, and thought kissing would help her tell... I don't know. Anyway, I suggest you (politely) put your foot down and ask her what's really going on. Tell her you won't be duped and played around and made a fool of. If she likes you to the extent where she'd want a relationship, she'll also respect you enough not to play with your feelings. If she doesn't want a relationship, you can still try to win her, but arm yourself with a strategy, lots of patience and get ready for a definite NO, just in case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2010
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 1:03am

Sounds like she wasn't sure about her feelings for you until the kiss and that confirmed to her that she wasn't actually "into" you.