whats going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
whats going on?
6
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 10:20am

i'm totally confused by this bloke.
a few years ago i started seeing him. he told me he was seperated from his wife.
we never really had what i would class as a 'relationship' as it would be a couple of weeks between dates. then it comes out that he and his wife are not separated and she was pregnant and wanting another try at things. this really cut me up, despite things never really going anywhere with him.
being insecure, i put it down to him not wanting me etc etc (as you do).
now just recently he has been back in touch with me. i've given into a less than better idea by going out and seeing him a couple of times.
once again, it tends to be a couple of weeks between dates, but we are both really busy people. there has been no mention of his (ex)wife. he claims not to have a mobile phone, only one for work and he never offers for me to go to his place. he certainly seems keen when we are together as i'm getting all the right signals. he just takes ages to sort things out about when we will see eachother next.
is it just that he needs to pull his act together, or am i missing something?
its getting to me as i really like the guy.

help?

una

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 11:01am

una_momento...

Since you have such an interesting ivillage user name, Pianoguy would like to respond to your question in latin:

Qui Fabricator Fabricatoris!

The loose translation is: "HE WHO LIES IS A LIAR!"

And my dear, you chosen to align yourself with a good one! I'm willing to bet that a good portion of your man's "busy-ness" involves a few other women---besides yourself?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 11:07am
i don't get the impression he's playing me against several other women. possibly his (ex) wife.
i know he works strange shifts etc. amd he seems into me enough when we are together, he just seems reluctant to a) take things further or b) tell me that he's not looking for a relationship
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 1:46am

Una, I'm guessing that you're Australian. Would I be right?

It's just that we Aussies tend to date differently to our American cousins, so I will adapt my advice accordingly.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:24am
I think you are providing what he wants in a relationship--a girl on the side. He was cheating when you got together with him the first time, and his actions suggest that he's still up to his old tricks. Please don't pursue a relationship that's just going to hurt you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 8:09am

RUN and RUN as fast as you can!

You see--even if he is not playing other women besides you and the wife/ex-wife(and it wouldn't surprise me if he was), the way I look at it is this, if he was willing to cheat on his wife with you, what would make you think he would not cheat on you eventually as well?

<<<>>> If it wasn't enough that he was cheating on his wife at the time it seems to me that he was a liar right from the begining. So simply put, this guy is bad news for more than one reason.

Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 11:10am
What's going on is that you're dealing with a liar. If a man will lie to you about something as serious as being married, he'll lie to you about other things as well, such as telling you that he's much more into you then he really is (or sending you the right signals), just because he likes you playing you. I wouldn't be at all surprised if a lot of the things you think you like about him are also lies he's told you about himself to keep you interested.