Whats up with this guy??
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| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 4:36pm |
About a monthish or so ago I met this guy from a good friend. I'm in college and he's in my home town (about 1hr and 30mins.) from each other. Things were going good. We hung out during my Easter break. He's a really sweet guy and we were really hitting things off in a good way or so I thought. He came to my school to visit me once and I came home for something and went and saw him as well. We were talking on the phone at least once a day. We were acting like good friends already and we both talked about there being more when I got home for summer. I got home from college for summer yesterday and we hung out. He told me that he can't be more than friends with me because in Dec. he is planning on going to the military. I was fine with that but I just wanted to make sure we would still be friends. And he even mentioned things that we had talked about doing together this summer and assured me that we would still be friends. After we talked about just being friends he started talking to me about some medical things that are going on with him, that he doesn't talk to anyone about because he doesnt 'like to talk about but he said he can with me. Then we watched a movie and he ended up cuddling (he initiated it) through the entire movie. I'm just really confused on a lot of things here 1. Why is he already thinking about Dec. I didn't know that guys think about things that far in advance. . . 2. What is he thinking?? 3. Should I let these things just continue to happen like this if we are goign to be "just friends" and 4. how do I talk to him about it??
Thanks for all your help!

Dear ashlelizabeth:
Your guy is telling you that he doesn't want a committed relationship because he's going away in December. However, all guys want sex, especially if they are attracted and like a woman, as your guy clearly does.
You cannot control him or change him. All you can do is understand your needs, your wants, and decide for yourself. In your shoes, I would tell him very clearly that a physical relationship without loving and emotionally supportive commitment is out. I would say that, because (for me) having tried FWB, didn't work for me. Sexual intimacy without emotional support and commitment made me feel used and resentful. So, I wouldn't go there.
Some women can handle it, but most feel emotionally deprived and their self-esteem kinda takes a nose dive.
This is a great board, and so is marsvenus. Come out there too--there's a ton of wisdom and advice from all kinds of women going through relationship failures and successes. Hope to see you there! beyondmeasure
Dear Ashley and biochic:
Guys want sex, and there's nothing wrong with that! It's really up to us to decide how far to go. All my life, I felt like I was low-hanging fruit for guys. I think at some level I believed that the ONLY way they would like me or love me was if I "gave in" sexually. And, you know what? They didn't respect me, and I didn't respect myself!
So, now, I'm high up apple girl! I've come to subscribe to the view that men enjoy a challenge, they like to feel that they've earned our sexual gifts--in short, they need us to be a job! I don't expect a ring or marriage, but I do expect a guy to express interest in committing to a focused relationship with me to determine if we can succeed in the long haul. There's always risk, even then, that things won't work out. But there's so much MORE risk and PAIN in prematurely giving ourselves to men who only want sex and only for a short time until they are bored and ready for the next easy pickins.
Good luck, women! And do come out to the marsvenus board too--you've got great stuff to contribute to those discussions! beyondmeasure
Hi Ashley,
I am actually through something similar to this except it has gone a step farther then this. I met my "friend" back in January and i knew that there wasnt gong to be any commintment from his part but I still decided to continue with out frienship...in other words we became FWB. We have a great time together and it was a lot of fun...I thought that i could handle it....but the truth is that we get attached...and thats what happened to me.....then out of no where he calls me and tells me that he has a girlfriend now some girl he just met and talked to maybe once or twice(even though he just spend the night before with me)....and well it just hits you, but then i realised that i concented to this...i said i was ok with it by being intimate with him and not havign any commintment from him...and now i really see that i sold my self short.....but i cant blame him for it....cause well like other post said guys want sex....and is sad to say it like that but is the truth. So today i decided to cut all ties with him...i cant continue to listen to him talk to his girlfriend when i am in the room beign that it has been less then a week ago that we were intimate.....
So i guess my advice is just to be careful and to know what kind of risk you might be running to.....be strong and say no if you dont want to be in pain....and i say this because i can tell by the tone of your email that you are a caring person....
good luck