What's he thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
What's he thinking?
8
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 10:58pm

Hello everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 2:31am

Pathofthorns, you talk with him by being general in your direction of conversation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 7:44am

My guess is that he is just very comfortable dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 2:14pm

Would you possibly move to be with him (or vice versa) without being married? Since I imagine you are done having children, you might have a lot of leverage if you are okay with the idea of cohabitating without a marriage certificate. Just something to think about. He says he sees you being together forever... Well that's a great sign but if you really are serious about one another you should be able to talk about what you're looking for, especially after two years of being together!

"Hey, you know how you want to be together forever? Well I would really like that too. How are we going to make that work with the distance? Is one of us going to move? Do you see yourself ever getting married again?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 2:49pm

Did you two have any conversations about that in the past, when you were first getting to know each other? Its a difficult subject, but if it is important to you, then you have every right to bring it up, and if you don;t talk about it, it will only weigh on your mind more and more.

When SO and I started getting serious, he told me he was not interested in ever getting married again. Okay, fine, I can respect that, but I told him I beleived in marriage (even after my lying cheating ex) and I would never live with anyone without being married. So we know where each stood from the beginning, and at this point we are waiting for his divorce to finalize and then we will move forward, in some form. What that will be, I don;t know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:47pm
Hi! Thanks for your reply. We have skirted the issue of a future, living together (he knows it's all or nothing for me and won't just live with him), etc. But I think that we were just both enjoying each other at first. Only recently has the traveling started getting to me and has made me think about our future.

I told him this yesterday. YES! I got the nerve up to tell him that we needed to talk about our future. I told him that I can't keep doing this forever. He said that he feels the same way. He said that it has taken me a very long time to find me and nothing is going to mess it up. He said we will talk about it face to face this weekend when he comes over. I know he adores me, as I adore him. I am feeling good about this pending conversation.

Again, thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:51pm
I am not sure if he is anti marrying or not. I asked him why he never married his son's mother as they had been together for about 17 years. He said that the more people told him it was something he should do, the more he didn't want to do it. I don't know if there were other reasons or not. He is very comfortable with me and I have a feeling that the reason the big M word hasn't been mentioned is that he is very laid back and waits patiently for me to be ready. He is afraid of scaring me off because he loves me so much, he doesn't want to overwhelm me and turn me off. So, we shall see. We are having the conversation this weekend. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:54pm
I lived with one man for about 11 months after I divorced and it was a horrific experience, emotionally and financially. So, it is something I have vowed to never do again. That piece of paper is very important protection. My sweetie knows it's all or nothing.

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 11:00pm
We didn't really bring it up as we were getting to know each other and were enjoying each other's company. Our thoughts on the subject were brought up but not in relation to each other. There won't be any more children for me. I am going to be 51 soon and I'm all set with that! Between us we have three boys and that is good enough for me. He is all set too so that isn't a factor. That actually came up very early in our relationship. We met on match.com and where they ask if you want children he put maybe. I asked him about that and told him I didn't want to get involved with him if he wanted children because I was all done. He said he left that option open in case he met someone younger who wanted a family. If it never happened, he was ok with that too.

So, we will see what happens this weekend! I am glad I posted this on this board. It gave me the courage to open up and ask. We are waiting to talk about it in depth until we see each other and do it face to face. i am happy with that.