What's with him??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
What's with him??
8
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:38am
O.k....I'm going to make this as short as possible. I met this guy at the gym. He's a trainer. We started talking about two months ago. He asked me out soon after we met. He wanted to go out right then & there. I turned him down because I didn't know him. He gave me his phone number a few days later & asked me to call him so I did. He insisted that I call him...he didn't want my number. Anyway...we started talking almost every night for a few hours each night. I told him some personal things that I don't really ever share with anyone. He hasn't told me much about himself. He calls me less now. We talk on the phone a couple times a week. We don't talk at the gym anymore because he got in trouble for talking to me so much. So, when I see him at the gym, we just smile at each other. It's kinda weird. Anyway...when we talk now sometimes he gets kinda weird. Like the other night...he started asking me about sex. He knows I'm a virgin. He asked me if I had "urges" and if I'm "curious about it." I basically didn't answer him. I think it sort of makes him mad that I don't want to talk about it. I told him that I shouldn't have told him all that personal stuff about myself. He said that it doesn't bother him and that "you know I like you." I asked him if I pissed him off and he told me that I was "giving him a headache." We've been talking for 2 months. We haven't been on a date. He hasn't even asked me out again! What should I do?? Any advice??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:52pm

Hi Danae27!

"He insisted that I call him"

I'm responding to you from work so I'll have to keep this brief. That statement alone would be enuf for me. Sounds very arrogant. Why did you feel the need to discuss such personal stuff? From reading your post - something just doesn't sit right with me about this guy. I hope the others will give their views. Take care and good luck. Just my 2 pennines!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 5:21pm
So, he asked you out without knowing anything about you, wouldn't take your phone number (just curious, was his a cell number or a home number?), barely tells you about himself, and gets mad when you won't talk about stuff that makes you feel intruded on, and now acts like you don't know each other at the gym. Hmm. He sounds kinda sketchy and skeevy to me!
I don't blame you for being uncomfortable. You may wish to think twice before calling him again, much less going out with him. Go with your gut -- it's what told you not to accept his date offer in the first place.
Good luck,
--Fran
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 8:44pm
I'm thinking he wanted to see if I would call him. He gave me his home & cell numbers a few days later. He can't talk to me at the gym because he's working :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 4:08pm

Should I write him a letter telling him how I feel?? I also asked him the other day why he started talking to me in the first place...why me?? He said, "It was totally random...it's my job to meet people & start talking to them." Yet, initially he had told me that he had been "watching me" since I joined the gym. What does THAT mean??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 6:25pm
just stay clear of this guy.
He's creepy. You deserve better.
Ignore him, don't write him any letters, just forget about him, find a diffferent gym or go when he's not on his shift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 3:04pm
Yes, I think you should write a letter. In it, tell him everything you feel and ask him what the heck his deal is. BUT DON'T LEAVE IT WITH HIM.
Rather, let this letter help you clarify to yourself what is going on. You might also want to write down everything you really know about him, THIS DOES NOT include what you hope he is, or imagine he is. What do you like about him? What can he offer you?
Sorry to get so technical on you, but the thing that stands out most for me with you and this guy is that your first instinct when he asked you out was to say no.
Then you started second-guessing yourself, called him, confided in him (with him not confiding back in you), and now things just seem to have gotten weird.
As much as I believe in giving people second chances (and except after reaallly bad dates, I've usually gone out with a guy at least twice before figuring out we weren't right for each other), I've learned to trust my gut. If something feels weird, it usually is.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 5:40pm
He did ask me out twice....and I turned him down twice. It wasn't because I didn't want to...it was just kind of sudden for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 6:06pm

Hmmmm. I don't agree with the others that he's weird or creepy. I think he's confused.

>>He did ask me out twice....and I turned him down twice. It wasn't because I didn't want to...it was just kind of sudden for me.<<

I wonder if he thinks that you're playing games. Generally once you start talking frequently on the phone, it's followed quickly by a date. In this case, you were doing the phone contact but saying "no" to dates. Honestly? He's probably as confused as you are.

Regarding the virginity discussion, it's weird to raise a subject and then refuse to discuss it further. Yes, you were right when you said that perhaps you shouldn't have told him (considering that you don't want to discuss it) - but since you did, then it does open the subject to discussion. Besides that, if you are intending to keep your virginity - it WILL have a large impact on him. For this reason alone, it should be an issue that's open to discussion. Perhaps a non-sexual relationship is something that he's not willing to negotiate on? At the very least, he would want to know exactly what you believe so that he can decide whether or not he wants to date you.

What does he mean when he says that he's been "watching you"? It means that he's physically attracted to you.

When he's asking you about your curiousity factor regarding sex: he's checking to see if a sexual relationship is a possibility.

He says that meeting people at the gym is part of his job? He's hiding his wounded pride.

At this stage, I'd be guessing that he's given up hope on you. You've said "no" to two dates and you're refusing to discuss your virginity - a subject that YOU raised. And your virginity (if you wish to keep it) is something that will have significant impact on him if you do date.

A good relationship is based on communication. And in the best relationships, one party never leaves the other trying to guess what the other is feeling.

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