When and how did you know u were in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
When and how did you know u were in love
5
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 4:13pm

Just wondering how long it took you to fall in love in relationships? Have you heard of it taking years before?

Also, what made you know that you were "in love"? Was it a certain moment or how did you know?

Is it true that you have to have butterflies and go crazy when you hear their name and see them? Does it really make you feel alive?




Edited 4/20/2006 4:14 pm ET by precious2be
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 4:48pm

<< Is it true that you have to have butterflies and go crazy when you hear their name and see them? >>

Not so much. I don't think that butterflies and going crazy when you hear his name, see him is LOVE ... that's infatuation.

<>

Yes, it does. It makes you feel more alive, more joy, more contentment. For me, it adds to my happiness, but doesn't complete it ... it complements it. When I see my BF, I smile ... we always greet each other with a hug, a kiss and a smile. When he walks in my door, I automatically smile ... just because, it's second nature ... the smile just happens. So, yes ... that part of it does make me feel more alive.

<< what made you know that you were "in love"? Was it a certain moment or how did you know? >>

There were certainly moments that were about feelings of love ... and the more moments we had, the more I knew about him ... those moments of feelings transcending into not just a feeling ... but, knowing it. I don't know what else to say but ... you just know. And if you don't just know, then it isn't there yet. Doesn't mean it won't be ... but, when you know, you know.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 6:25pm

Is your ex trying to talk you into getting back together, or are you 2nd guessing yourself?

Anyway, to answer your question...I've heard of it taking years but have never personally experienced that. Generally it takes me about 6 months of steady dating to really feel love (as opposed to infatuation).

I know I'm in love when I accept the person for who exactly who they are and feel loving towards them anyway (warts and all).

No, love isn't the butterflies, etc...that's infatuation. Love is steadier, calmer, deeper than that. Yes, it makes you feel alive, but not manic ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 8:00am

I completely agree with the other posters. It isn't about butterflies but it does make you feel a sort of hightened awareness of your happiness, maybe a little giddy even. But it's not a surface sort of thing it's deep in your bones thing.

The only way I can describe knowing I had found a man I could spend my life with is is that I just knew deep down I had found someone I didn't just LOVE I was compatible with someone who would really be there with through anything, someone who was flawed and imperfect but some how fit with me and would work together with me as a team.

I'm not a "romantic" in the sense I believe there is a "the one". I was in love twice before I met my husband, both were good guys; but, I wasn't compatible with them. They are both married know hopefully to women they love and are a better fit for.

LOVE will not make a marriage work. LOVE is a wonderful thing but it wont resolve issues or fix problems or change a person's values.

So for me, if a person wants a good marriage, a good life partnership, love is important,; but, compatability is CRUCIAL!!!! For me finding "the one" wasn't a question of knowing I was in love it was knowing I could live with him and that we would be able to grow TOGETHER.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 8:04am

"Is it true that you have to have butterflies and go crazy when you hear their name and see them?"

No, that's infactuation but I do think it's the building block to real love. I felt that way about my fiance when I was first getting to know him. I don't miss it because what I feel for him now is even stronger than that. When I see him now I feel a happy contentment, a safeness, a special connection that you can only have from knowing someone so well and even pride that I can call someone so amazing my fiance.

"Just wondering how long it took you to fall in love in relationships? Have you heard of it taking years before?"

Yes and no... my brother liked his wife from the start but it took her a few years to see him as more then a friend and give him a chance. But personally, I don't think it could have ever happened like that for me. That's why I'm not exactly sure how long it took me to fall in love with my fiance because I'm not really sure when the infactuation turned to love. I guess I'd say it was at least a few months?

"Does it really make you feel alive?"

Definitely. He makes me happier then I could be on my own and that really makes me feel alive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 9:40am

Sheri, to answer your first question...I guess I am sort of second guessing myself. Part of me does feel like I do want to be with him and spend the rest of my life with him, and part of me doesn't. I guess I didn't think things had to be this complicated or stressful. I really want to make it work with him, he is everything I have ever wanted and more, but it's just like when I get back together with him, I just get this little feeling like it's not right, I don't know, I think part of it is that I am a commitment phobe, seriously if you look back on my life, that is definitely evident, and I think it's because I have broken up with him like 6 times before and it just feels like it's all a mess. I'm just wondering if maybe he and I start over, if things would be different and the whole "in love" feelings would develop. I had way too many expectations from the start and didn't even know what love was, I now have a pretty good idea and know that I love him. I was too busy worrying about "being in love", to even let it happen. This is my first relationship and I focused way too much on material things and superficial things, that I couldn't even focus on the good things, I feel horrible.

It sort of feels as if my story is out of a movie...we met randomly out at his house, he is a friend of a friend...I spent the whole weekend there and from the start he liked me, but I didn't like him back, well he kept pursuing me and I finally gave him a chance, and it just happened. It was really weird because it felt like I knew him my whole life, because everytime we were on the phone, it would just feel natural to say 'i love you', it's never been that way before, but i didn't say it...and then one night he said it and said it slipped, and then a few nights later i said it back..of course i second guessed it because it was so soon. I guess I was afraid and thought things were going too fast and wasn't used to it. I've never had a boyfriend and this is all new to me. Sometimes people say maybe he was put in my life to do good, because I have never really had any good things in my life and that I just wasn't use to that, or thought it was too good to be true that it didn't feel real. But I still don't know why I have been so confused and questioning it all the time, I mean who does that if they really like someone, right? Well yeah and so now we are on the ole 'on and off' phase of it all...

I'm just wondering if I take another chance if it could work, or if it would just make things worse? I feel he and I are compatible and could grow old together so I just don't want to throw it away completely if it is meant to be, you know? I just don't want to make a huge mistake, and I am afraid of which path to go down...either give it another chance or just let it go...I really do want to give it another chance though, that is what I feel.

I mean I am young and do have time to decide, and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't, isn't that a way to look at it? I just don't want to hurt him anymore, but honestly I don't think that is possible, I think he would be fine with just going slower and seeing if it goes anywhere. (sorry this is so long!)