When do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
When do you know?
8
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 12:25am

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 7:21am

It's too soon.

At 28 you have some experience in life and love, you're not a little kid who thinks she's in love with the first guy who turns her head - You understand that love means getting to know someone through thick and thin, it's not just a feeling you have. While it's definitely possible at two months to get to know whether someone is definitely NOT marriage material for you (deal-breakers rear their ugly heads), it's not possible to know them well enough to decide if they ARE marriage material.

If you have strong feelings and things are going well, see how it goes. Wasting two months of your life isn't going to be a huge regret if this guy doesn't turn out to be the right guy. But getting to know someone is a real process and there's a balance between deciding to cut and run too early and giving yourself enough time to see what potential there is.

Go with your gut feeling. There's no reason you have to make a big decision now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 4:24pm

If you honestly expect a man to profess his love to you and quickly move towards marriage before he clearly understands your character, wants, needs, goals and priorities, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 11:12pm

I think 2 1/2 months is way too soon to know if that person is a potential serious life partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 10:12am

The first few months you date someone, you're still getting to know them. It seems like it takes something like 4 months at least to have a good idea of what the person is really like. Until that time, it doesn't mean much yet to feel like you love them or for them to feel like they love you.

If the two of you are having arguments this early into dating, then chances are that you may not be compatible. Only time will tell, and it's really too early now to know.

My timeline is that after around 4 months or so, you probably know that the person is wrong for you. I'd take at least a year to know for sure they're right, and longer than that before actually getting married. It seems like there's the initial first few months getting to know a person, and then the first two years or so is the "honeymoon period" when everything is the best it's ever going to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 4:50am

Veronica, I agree with the others, 2 months is way too soon to know if someone is the one we're going to marry. I think it's more like one or two years before we should decide on something as important as marriage.

Having said that, the fact that this guy is treating the relationship 'day by day' strongly indicates he has serious reservations about being with you.

When to have sex? Based on you needing love and wanting to know if there's marriage in the future, I suggest you wait for engagement. But I doubt the average man will wait that long. Me, I would have shagged him long ago if I like him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 4:29pm

I think at the 3 month dating mark you usually decide whthter to keep dating (bcasue there is a spark, he doesn't have any of your deal breakers, and he's a good guy) or you end it.

That's usually after 3 months (unless you live where I live and in that case they are engaged by now).

By 6 months you would probably know if he does want to be married *someday.* In other words, if he never wants to get married, and you do dream of marriage, then you have to end it. Period.

Then I'd say after about 8-12 months you can have the "Do you envision a life with me? Am I someone you could see marrying?"

But yes, at 2 months you probably don't know if he's THE ONE (or one of THE ONES) and you may not feel the in love feeling, which is OK. I think it took me 4 months to say/feel "I love you."

I say keep dating as long as he possesses most of the qualities you desire and doesn't have any of your deal breakers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 6:52pm

To answer your question, it took me 1.5 years before knowing my bf is "the one" for me, and it took me almost 2 years to tell him "I love you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 1:31pm
IMHO all of the 'I