When is enough enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
When is enough enough?
13
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:59am

If two people do love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?

So I’ve been with this guy for almost 3 months now….the first month and a half was wonderful…we spent Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve together then about the second week into January he up and breaks up with me…completely unexpected. Basically he cares for me but he was hurt very badly by his ex and is having a very hard time getting over the heartache. I am trying really hard to understand this but as time goes on it gets harder and harder. So after the “break-up” we didn’t talk for about 4 days. That following Friday (exactly one week after) he came with me to a friend’s party. He stayed over and then things automatically went back to how they were before. He calls me EVERY night before he goes to sleep. He either emails. Texts or IM’s me through out the day…he tells me everything that’s going on in his life and his family and friends. He almost always tells me where he is and where he’s going and what’s he’s up to. Also the other night we were talking and he told me that even though we aren’t together it doesn’t mean that he is hooking up with other people because he’s not. He said he was just confused, not an a$$hole. He also told me that he wasn’t going anywhere. But the past few weekends have been bad (snow, illness) so we haven’t been able to get together. This past Saturday he cancelled on me once again and I got pissy…I had every right to be angry but I went out and had a few drinks and when I got home I thought he had gone out and messaged him and was like you went out? That’s nice, I thought you were tired….and of course he got mad (understandable). He said it was no big deal but now he seems to be pushing me away again. We didn’t speak at all on Sunday and Monday he said he would call me (after I messaged him) and he didn’t. Usually if he falls asleep and doesn’t call he’ll IM or email me to say sorry…so far I haven’t heard from him. I don’t know if I should say something to him or just give him space and let him come to me. I’m not looking to get this guy to marry me or anything like that. I just want this “relationship” is between us to be given a chance and see where it leads us. I just really care about him and I don’t want to end all contact but I don’t know what to say to him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:42pm
Okay, so last night I couldn't take it anymore...last I heard from him was Wednesday night...we had a normal conversation....when he went to go to bed he said he'd talk to me tomorrow (Thursday) but nothing....no call, no email, no IM....nothing. Nothing Friday either...so I text messaged him last night and said i didn't understand why we are barely speaking but not talking to him makes me sad....he replied with " i am sorry, things have been kinda crazy. I will give ya a buzz later...and still nothing yet. i don't get it, if he was going to end this (again) wouldn't he have said something by now?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:56am

I doubt he's ending it, he just doesn't feel he has time to see you right now...you're not a priority. If you're going to accept things on his terms, then you'll have to find a way to be ok with that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:37pm
well, he finally called....we talked for about 1/2 hour about nothing really. he didn't even mention the past week or why he wasn't speaking to me. then he said he's give me a call laater (he usually would call every night before bed) so just when i thought he wasn't going to call he did just to say he was falling asleep but he didn't want to not call...then he said he would definitely talk to me tomorrow (today) now today i noticed he changed his profile on the website to say he was looking for friends to looking for friends, dating and serious relationships....should i be worried? just 2 weeks ago he told me just because we weren't together it didn't mean he was hooking up with others because he wasn't, that he was just confused not an a$$hole...did me thinking he went out that night really do more damage then i think?

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