When should we have the talk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
When should we have the talk?
1
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 11:56am
FIrst, let me say I am incredibly new to this dating thing. I have been divorced for about 10 months now. I had been married for 24 years and I am 43 years old. In the last 8 months, I have dated several really nice guys, so it isn't like the guy I am dating now is a rebound for me. I have been dating C since August. I haven't been dating him exclusively, but I don't think he is dating anyone else. He has a profile on an online dating service and I know he checks it daily. But then, I check mine regularly, too. Mostly, though, I check mine to see if he has checked his. ANyway, the more I date C, the more I like him. I would really like to bump this up a notch. I'm not saying I want to get married or move in together, I just want to date him exclusively. Make sense? But I don't know how he feels about me. I am assuming that since he keeps asking me out, he likes me at least a little. He's met 2 of my 4 kids, but I haven't met his yet. They are considerably younger than mine and the youngest isn't thrilled with him dating. HE has said things that make me think he likes me, but I dont know. Any advice you have on what the best way is to approach this would be greatly appreciated. This is all very weird for me!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 12:37pm

For me, personally, the agreement to date exclusively has to come before we sleep together. Have you reached that point yet? If not, then that would be a good time to bring it up. I usually say something like, "I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone unless we've agreed to date exclusively". That usually leads to a discussion of what dating exclusively means to each of us (for me, it definitely includes taking profiles down from dating sites).

I also don't get into a relationship in the first place unless I've established that we want the same things (in my case, a serious LTR leading to marriage). So I ask the question of what a guy is looking for (in general, not with me, obviously) on the first couple of dates. Did the two of you ever have that type of conversation?

I don't think it's surprising (or cause for alarm) that you haven't met his kids; the single parents I've dated are pretty much in agreement that they don't involve their children until they are pretty sure things are serious.

Here's a link to a post on another board (written from a male perspective) that might help you as well:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlanswerman&msg=11654.1

Sheri