Why are men so hot and cold?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2005
Why are men so hot and cold?
4
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:32pm
Hi all.
I need some advice. I've tried talking to my friends about it but they keep telling me the same thing "he's a jerk, forget about him." Most of them are also single so I just feel like they don't understand.
So here's my story. I've been dating a guy for a few months now. We were co-workers ( no one except about 2 poeple new that we were dating and i no longer work for the company) and he had pursued me for over a year until I finally got over my "I don't want to date co-workers" feelings and realzied that there was something there between us.
Anyways things started off great, hanging out all the time, talking all the time, laughing all the time, and he was nothing but respectful, ect. But he had a reputation around the office for being a ladies man so I always had that in the back of my head.
If I ever brought up the reputation he had he would say that he didn't understand why people thought that about him and if he had ever talked in the past it was in a joking manner because he was around the guys and trying to fit in. Also, he had said that he thinks people were trying to keep us apart because alot of guys in the office thought I was attractive.
He even told one of my female co-workers that he really wanted this to work out with me and some other good stuff. She told me all this.
Well, to make it a long story short someone else in the office found out we were dating and told me that he was telling a lot of people. I confronted him about this and was very upset because I didn't want anyone to know until I was officially not working there anymore. I told him how frustrated I was and that I didn't know about him anymore.
He immediately went to the source of the rumor and it was cleared up.
He in fact didn't say anything. So I appologized immediately and asked him if we could still be friends. He said yes but the thing is this was a week ago, I just left the company, and he hasn't tried to contact me. I even had a "goodbye" party which all of his good friends came to but not him. This upset me and I think he should of had come at least for a little while.
Now that I feel like I lost him I can't stop thinking about him but I don't want to make the first move because I feel as if he should of come to my party or at least wished me good luck.
What do you think is going on? Please help! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:48pm

>>I confronted him about this and was very upset because I didn't want anyone to know until I was officially not working there anymore. I told him how frustrated I was and that I didn't know about him anymore<<

Perhaps this confrontation upset him more than you realise. Perhaps he saw a side to you that he didn't like. Perhaps he prefers to deal with things in a different manner to you.

I understand that you apologised, but sometimes an apology is too little too late. If we see behaviour that we don't like, it's often best to move on rather than work on the relationship. Perhaps this is what he's done.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 3:15pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 12:30am
Sounds to me like he was just looking for an easy out and found one. Maybe he is a player and you just got played. Oh and your poor friends having to hear about it over and over and over again. They know you best so I'd take there advice before Id take mine. I had a friend who badgered us with her problem over and over and over again same story guy was a jerk but I guess she figured one day we'd say "Hes a winner continue chasing him, hes a catch ;)" Listen to your friends they'll be around a lot longer then he will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 3:13am
I agree w/ u.