Why do men make contact after so long...
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Why do men make contact after so long...
| Sat, 01-21-2006 - 2:39pm |
OK here's my story in short form.
I was dating a guy a few months ago. Things were great, we never fought, had some much in common, wanted the same things in the future a and we were just really happy, so I thought.
Well out of no where he ended things with me to see if there was still something there with his ex,who wouldn't leave him alone and constantly called him when we were together. He had ended things with her because she was supposedly controlling, mean, and didn't respect some of things that were important to him(The exact opposite of me.)
Well I wanted him to be happy so I wasn't going to put up a fuss and hold him back. I felt pretty good with myself for the way I handled the entire situation by letting him go.
Well I am pretty good friends with a few of his guy friends and talk with them constantly.
I found out last week that he had been asking about me lately and then I get a random email from him out of no where asking me how I am doing (this is the first contact we've had in a month, since things have ended).
I have alot of guy friends and they told me that guys don't do things just because they usually have a motivation behind it, whatever that may be.
But I want some other advice from guys that I'm not close with.
Why do guys make contact with women out of no where esp. when they are seeing someone?
Are they genuinly interested in our well-being or is there really an underlying motivation here?
I was dating a guy a few months ago. Things were great, we never fought, had some much in common, wanted the same things in the future a and we were just really happy, so I thought.
Well out of no where he ended things with me to see if there was still something there with his ex,who wouldn't leave him alone and constantly called him when we were together. He had ended things with her because she was supposedly controlling, mean, and didn't respect some of things that were important to him(The exact opposite of me.)
Well I wanted him to be happy so I wasn't going to put up a fuss and hold him back. I felt pretty good with myself for the way I handled the entire situation by letting him go.
Well I am pretty good friends with a few of his guy friends and talk with them constantly.
I found out last week that he had been asking about me lately and then I get a random email from him out of no where asking me how I am doing (this is the first contact we've had in a month, since things have ended).
I have alot of guy friends and they told me that guys don't do things just because they usually have a motivation behind it, whatever that may be.
But I want some other advice from guys that I'm not close with.
Why do guys make contact with women out of no where esp. when they are seeing someone?
Are they genuinly interested in our well-being or is there really an underlying motivation here?

Ya know that is a question that I really wonder about myself. But think about it this way, months or even a year or two could go by without talking to each other and then your ex contacts you. From what I have found they are trying to go back to something that they had that was really good, they cared and love you, shared the good and the bad, and then you break up...move on for a while and then get a little lonely.
One of my old ex's contacted me after 3 years, but he just got a divorce...LOL. At that time I was in a RL, that wasn't doing so well. After the other day, I don't know if my ex will contact me again. We didn't talk for a week after a really big blowup and the past few weeks of sending mixed signals to each other, then he sent me a short little email saying that he missed me, I ignored it. Then on Monday we separated cell account, he didn't say much to me at all. At least I ended on a good note instead of a bad one, hopefully one day down the road he'll realize his mistakes, learn from them, and be a better man cause of it.
Some of the inspirations for a lot of this could be they want sex again cause they know it's good, they truely miss you and want to see you, they need some kind of closure, or they come back and they finally tell you everything that you've needed to hear from them...like their feelings after the breakup and such, or they want to start a friendship with you after having a clean break.. and knowing he/she is over you, or they come back wanting to try at it again...in which most cases that fails.
I'm in something similiar where I have contact with a lot of my ex's friends, but I dont talk to them or go out with them often. I also have a myspace account which my ex knows about, and reads my blogs often. My ex has all of my #, e-mail, AIM, etc...so he knows how to get a hold of me. But I have maintained silence on my part because I know that "friends" portion of all of this isn't going to work right now...it will only prolong the hurt on both sides.
I guess the one thing that after you have had some "quiet" time to yourself with no contact from him, maybe the "fog" of the RL and all the feelings that were with it will be gone, and then you can start as friends. But you need to figure out if that's something that you want to continue with, something that has a true purpose, like a friendship. Knowing that if that person is really worth talking to anymore, and that person is truely interested in being your friend, will give you the answer you need, that way you won't waste your time.
I hope that someday soon I will find my future husband, that way I don't have to deal with all this crap anymore... LOL
Go with the guy's response, he's doing it because he wants to 'cover all his bases.'