why is he being such a jerk
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why is he being such a jerk
| Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:21pm |
i started dating about 3 months ago (we have been friends for 15+ yrs and have always been there for each other, heartbreaks, picking up the pieces etc. my boyfriend at the time moved across the country for business, spent all my time after that with matt
things started to happen between us and i didnt want to go there with him for fear of losing our friendship but we did after much trial and tribulation i broke down and gave into him, everything has been really great up until this past weekend we talk wveryday, spend at least 5 nights a week together and really just like each other, well this last week one of his brothers got into a bad accident, and he was really hurt well this happened on monday, he really needed me when that happened and i was very supportive, tuesday we were fine. i usually dont see him on wed, so thursday night we had plans, (matt is very shy and introverted) so before i went to meet him like 15 people bombarded him with questions about his bro so he freaked out and has a tendency to run away when that happens,.( i live in a small town, you know everyone)
so he told my best friend that he went down to the road meet him there, so i did after awhile, well as the night progressed he got more and more distant and usually we do everything together, pretty much attached at the hip, i just figured he needed space, he can be that way sometimes and i understand. so that was okay, but then on friday well go have dinner and he usually goes out with the boys to play poker, but he never called so i just figured he was busy. so saturday morning i go walking and his vehicle is parked at a friends house (a girl who is a good friend of mine and we spend alot of time with her and her boyfriend) so i didnt really question it, but he told me on saturday night before we got home that he stayed over her house, i acted like i didnt mind, even though i wanted to scream, he must have told me like 6x like he wanted me to be mad at him, so i havent heard from him in 2 days and i was wondering if anyone has any insight why hes being this way.
things started to happen between us and i didnt want to go there with him for fear of losing our friendship but we did after much trial and tribulation i broke down and gave into him, everything has been really great up until this past weekend we talk wveryday, spend at least 5 nights a week together and really just like each other, well this last week one of his brothers got into a bad accident, and he was really hurt well this happened on monday, he really needed me when that happened and i was very supportive, tuesday we were fine. i usually dont see him on wed, so thursday night we had plans, (matt is very shy and introverted) so before i went to meet him like 15 people bombarded him with questions about his bro so he freaked out and has a tendency to run away when that happens,.( i live in a small town, you know everyone)
so he told my best friend that he went down to the road meet him there, so i did after awhile, well as the night progressed he got more and more distant and usually we do everything together, pretty much attached at the hip, i just figured he needed space, he can be that way sometimes and i understand. so that was okay, but then on friday well go have dinner and he usually goes out with the boys to play poker, but he never called so i just figured he was busy. so saturday morning i go walking and his vehicle is parked at a friends house (a girl who is a good friend of mine and we spend alot of time with her and her boyfriend) so i didnt really question it, but he told me on saturday night before we got home that he stayed over her house, i acted like i didnt mind, even though i wanted to scream, he must have told me like 6x like he wanted me to be mad at him, so i havent heard from him in 2 days and i was wondering if anyone has any insight why hes being this way.

Best case scenario he's testing the waters with you. Seeing how far the boundries lye, and I suggest you let him know.
Worst case scenario something did happen, and he's trying to break up with you. Shy and introverted guys just dont have the initiation to do things like seducing women. So if this is the case, I'd ask your female friend to explain what happened after all you diserve an explanation. Remember it will always take two to tango.
Dont forget we as humans always know when someone is lying. A liar can swear up and down, but our hearts always know the differance. Trust yourself, and good luck.
You guys are friends, but it seems like you want more from him. The fact that you said you are dating seems to me like he wasn't that serious. I feel as though he hasn't and doesn't want to be in a serious RL with you. If you were BF/GF then you should have EVERY reason to be pissed that he spent the night over another girls house...regardless of who it was. But you are only dating, and dating gives him free reign to do whatever he wants.
There are 2 things you can do in this. The first you can confront him, put your feelings aside thinking that you might hurt him...you are only hurting yourself in this process by not saying anything to him and just accepting things. Ask him if he wants to continue the RL or wants to be just friends. If he wants to continue dating, and that's what you want, tell him the ground rules and what YOU want and except. If he can't deal with that, then F*** him! Honestly I don't really think it's worth your time at this point to try and salvage it.
The other thing you can do is to move on from him, go out and start seeing other guys, stop calling him, ignore his phone calls...if he does call you. If you do see him, tell him you are seeing other men, or you have gone out on several dates. Depending on how he reacts to it, you will see if he cares or not.
Being the fact that you said he's shy, and runs away...we'll he's ran away from you. It just sounds like a lot of excuses and BS on his part that he's not addressing the RL that you two have established. The one thing that all of us females do is to ignore our own feelings just to keep something that may not be worth it. And in turn we tend to get lost, hurt and upset in the process.
Just know that you deserve better than this, and if it takes you confronting him, then that's what you need to do. Good Luck.