Why is he so confusing!?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
Why is he so confusing!?!?!
Fri, 12-11-2009 - 3:43pm

Hello all,

I was w/ my ex for the past 2 yrs when we broke up after he cheated on me. Now for the past 8 months he has been w/ is current gf, but we still remained friends. It seems that his gf now may be jealous of me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 11:36am

This is an easy situation to figure out. Sorry to say it like this but what you need to understand and realize is that a friendship or ANY contact with him is NOT possible at this time.

He's clearly with her, and is at the same time trying to have "something" with you, but it's interfearing with his relationship. He clearly knows that, but doesn't want to loose what he has.

Plus he's still talking to you, because you have "left the door open" to him, so that if he does breakup with her, he can still satisfy his needs and come back to you, at least for a little while. You are potentially setting yourself up as the "quick fix" or "rebound". And I don't think you really want that, now do you?

So instead of being completely confused by him and leaving things open, you need to leave him alone completely. Which means, no more calling, no more talking, and moving on with life and leaving him in the past. If he wanted or wants to be with you, he would have never cheated in the first place. He can't be man enough to end things with you, because you haven't cut him off yet. Seriously, why continue ANYTHING with someone that did you like that?

So bottom line is this...you clearly want a straight answer from him, he's already given you one. It's just not the right answer or closure you are looking for from him. If you want this to stop, you need to close the door with him and leave it all in the past. You need to tell him that YOU need to cut off all communication as his words and actions are too much and way too confusing. There's really no other way of saying it to him.

By keeping the door of communication open to him, you are allowing this to continue. You will NOT get the straight answer you are looking for, so accept that you need to end this once and for all.