Why is he so scared??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Why is he so scared??
17
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 9:44pm
Hi all, I've posted before and you all have given me some good advice, so I'll hit y'all up again....
There's this guy that I've known since high school (10 years), I had the hugest crush on him then, and about 2 months ago I ran into him at the bar and we started hanging out.
To make a long story (kinda) short, every time we hang out, he ends up freaking out and telling me that he's scared of me and he can't explain it... Then the next day, he takes off to his brother's house out of town for a week, and then he calls me when he's back, and we go around in a circle.
I got somewhat of an insight a couple weeks ago, we slept together when we had been drinking, and he ended up crying (he was already majorly stressed out over completely unrelated stuff) and asking why I couldn't be with someone like him and he just wanted someone who would love him for who he is, that he had tried really hard not to like me but it didn't work and he did...
And last weekend, he was hanging out with my ex husband (who I'm still really good friends with) and told my ex that he really likes me *BUT* (just like he tells me) he's scared of me. He also was asking my ex how many "boyfriends" I have and if I ever cheated on him (meaning my ex).
And, as a final thought, he apparently showed up at the bar after I left last night looking for my car, and when I wasn't there, left. (And didn't answer his phone when I called today-- but he hardly ever answers for anyone).
I really like him, but I'm getting confused. He keeps running away from me but then he always comes back... my male friends have told me that if I were just a booty call, he would have dropped me a long time ago (bc I didn't put out for a long time lol).....
What do ya'll think? What is his deal???????
TIA
JJ


Edited 4/19/2005 11:12 pm ET ET by diskobaby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 6:11pm

This is perhaps one of the best written pieces of advice I read in a long time.
You are right and I hope others accept it.

The only way to make yourself happy is to judge how "you" feel in any given situation. A perfect way to make yourself feel miserable day in and out, is to act on what you may think "someone" else wants, despite how you feel.

To address the poster:
I would say that he is a bit too close to your ex, and he believes he doesn't measure up to him in one way or another. And if it didn't work with your ex, why would it work with him. He tells you and your ex that he is scared because he wants confirmation that it would work out. Not to mention he may also find that your bonds are a bit too close and in the end (and there are chances that there could be an end) his inadequacies would be brought to light.
I would find his insecurity annoying and immature.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 7:27pm

So I guess that would make him loose and willing to sleep with anyone as well huh?

Nonsense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 7:29pm
Excellent!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:03am
Most young healthy males that are not in a committed relationship will sleep around. They have more hormones rushing then women do. Reality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:14am
Reality or not about men sleeping around it doesn't make one loose and the other not. If a man is going around sleeping with women every chance he can, he's no different then a woman who does and shouldn't be judging another on what he himself does and if he chooses to consider himself above the standard he's placed on others, he's definitely not worth knowing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:34am
I agree that men with a double standard are not worth knowing. The sad fact is that many men are that way but don't tell women how they feel. What they do is mistrust and get jealous easily. Same way a thief would assume everyone steals, men that sleep around will mistrust women. Only in the past fifty years have women started to expect men to be faithful. Throughout history men did as they pleased and women just accepted it. Many men still have the old double standard that women must be saintly but they can do as they please. If men were just like us in our standards and emotions there would be no message boards. HAHA
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:31pm
Very well said...

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

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