will he be back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
will he be back?
7
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:21am
recently my boyfriend and i have been fighting alot lately. this past weekend he stood in a wedding, and ended up getting a little too close with the girl he walked down the aisle with. i am HOPING he didn't cheat, as he came home that night after the reception was over, but i found a number on his phone that was under his sister's name... that was definitely not his sisters number. obviously i confront him about it, and he said he was leaving. i then said "well if you leave, i leave".. sure enough he left, and i drove back to where I live (70 miles away). I'm not sure if we are broken up but I haven't talked to him in a couple days and it's really getting under my skin. he doesn't answer his phone nor does he email me back. he told our mutual friend that we weren't talking anymore. do you think he'll be back? we've been together for 4 years, why would a stupid fight like this break us up... ahhhhh help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 5:06am
This probably isn't what you want to hear - but here it goes......I don't think he will be back - I don't think he left because of the "fight" - I think the fight was a perfect excuse to leave, however I think something happened at the wedding. He probably felt guilty - so in leaving - he can be free to explore new waters without guilt. I think you are broken up - and he is not returning your calls because he is enjoying his guiltfree freedom. If he does come back - you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Is he back because he wants you - or because other things didn't pan out for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 8:34am

I have to agree with btslovergirl. I think he just saw an easy out and took it.

As a side note, you shouldn't have been snooping in your bf's phone in the first place. Snooping destroys trust in a relationship. Even if he did have the maturity to stick it out with you, which it seems he doesn't, he may very well have ended it because you violated his privacy.

I'm very close with my fiance and he wouldn't care if I went snooping in his phone but I don't becasue it shows I trust him, which I didn't always. I learned my lesson the hard way and I don't recommend it.

Nick - a reformed snoop

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:00am
I agree he left for other reasons besides the fight. He is taking the coward way out and that's not fair to you. I don't know if he will call but if he does you need to discuss communication and what is and what is nt acceptable to you. Who do these men think they are? Best of luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:42pm
thank you for the comments everyone, even though they are not what i wanted to hear. we have broken up like this in the past, and within a week he has come back.. so i guess we'll just have to wait and see. i talked with some people and my boyfriend didn't do anything at the wedding, except some innocent flirting. so maybe i jumped to conclusions, but that doesn't explain the number in his phone (its actually OUR phone, he just uses it alot more than i do) or why he has been so moody with me. and when i said he left, he left our apartment and went to his moms house. i still haven't heard from him, maybe that is a good thing.. give us both time to cool down and think about what we want. and as far as us being broken up, separated, or just fighting.. i still don't know, but i think he would respect me enough to tell me if we were broken up. but how long should i give him before i call him? or should i wait for him to call me? in the past 4 years, we have never been apart for longer than a week... and these past 3 days have been torture! i hope he comes back, i want him to.. but according to everyones comments i don't think he is going to. everytime we break up (which isn't alot, but we have in the past) i always say "this time is different, we aren't gonna get back together, he isn't going to come back".. but this time i think it's true :S:S
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:49pm
Well if you guys break up on and off then yes chances are this can be just another breakup. What needs to be done is that the two of you need to break this on again off again cycle. It'snot healthy. I too was in a relationship that was similar in college and I would cry my eyes out everytime we broke up thinking this time it's different when in reality it was all the same. Except one day I got tired of it and just walked away for good. If youguys get back together agree to stop this madness. I hope all works out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:15pm

exzhellraiser:

well I mean, we don't break up all the time. the last time we broke up was in May, because he was drunk, and I wasn't... and god only knows you can't win a fight with a drunk! So he ended up breaking up with me and 6 days later he called me and said he was dumb for doing it and he didn't realize what he had. I am hoping this is the same thing. I mean, granted, I am mad about the whole situation, but he did not cheat (that I am full aware of anyway) and I am not going to throw away our 4 year relationship over one drunken night. If he does come back, yes we will talk... ALOT.. and see if things can be changed.. I think I only wrote in here to be told "yes he will come back".. because I don't think he will.......... I miss him, and I know this isn't healthy what we are doing, but things can be changed... and if it can't change, I will be strong enough to walk away... when I have the closure I need...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 2:11pm
Well only you know whats best for you. Relationships are difficult especially when you want it to work so bad. The relationship has to be fair for the both of you and when he acts like this it is not fair to you and I know you realize that. I hope he comes to his senses and you guys can come to terms as far as what is acceptable and what is not. Keep me posted : )