will he ever take me back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
will he ever take me back?
4
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:40am
I was not only dating but seriously in love with someone for over a year. i was his first love. he is in his 30's. not the settle down type. anyway, we had the most passionate best connection and he never loved before he loved me. he had his mom in to meet me, she loved me and told me he never felt this way before. however, because of my own insecurities and trust issues i got very jealous and possessive. i am not proud. the final straw came when i checked his cell phone log and freaked out that he called this girl he works with. insane i know. like i said, my own issues. well he flipped out at me because he said it wasn't the first time i did something like that and my lack of trust for him was killing his spirit and made him lose trust in me (ie, go through his call log). he told me its over. he loves me more then anything, but he doesnt want to be in a relationship. he feels smothered and like he has no freedom because i am trying to control him. here comes my question: if you deeply love someone with all your heart and soul and just a week before you are talking about how you want to share your whole life with them, how do you suddenly break it off? it has been a week of me crying, promising to change my jealous ways, and he is not caving. he said he can't have the stress, the emotional stress of this relationship anymore. is it possible to love someone so much and still break up? any chance that once he is without me he will want me back? i am hurting so so bad. what can i do here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 9:23am
Unfortunately, men are very impulsive and they can disconnect rather fast. He has valid reason to be angry b/c you checked his call log BUT why the over reaction? It's not like you called the girl or anything to that extent. He should be more accepting of your actions solely because you are accepting of his actions. You accept that he is not the settle down type and because he is not that type you feel insecure that he may be with someone else. I think that that is a normal feeling. I would feel that way as well! I feel that A implies B here. If he were commital then you would be secure however, he is non commital and you feel insecure and snoop. It is not entirely your fault. It's not like he declared his feelings for you and you alone and you still look through his stuff. That would be wrong.
My advise is just try and back off. I KNOW it's hard but sometimes you have to subtract in order to add. Taking yourself away from this right now may help the situation. Give him a chance to understand why you did that. IF he doesnt call then how in love could ha have been. It's ot fair to be with someone who treat you as hough you are dispensible. That's my opinion and good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:21am
I agree with the other post, i think is wayyy over reacting with you looking through his phone, its not like you called her or she even knew, you just wanted to know what was going on? I think you should not call him, nor contact him for a while, if its true that he does love you and he does care for you and doesnt love anyone the way he loves you then it will hold true to him and your presence not being there will kill him and make him wonder what happened, it seems to me that he is trying to teach you a lesson and going with his pride by not "caving" in as you say. Maybe your dissapearace will trigger something in him and make him realize "hey, this is for real", and he will cave, if not then you know he was really never "in Love" with you, look there is a saying in spanish i always Use " Lo que esta para ti, nadie te lo quita" ..meaning, whats yours is yours no one can take it from you.
Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:51am
thank you and i hope you are right. he is very very macho. he is very serious about respect, etc and part of me wonders if this is all to teach me a lesson. he wants to know why things have to be my way or no way. he is showing me this is what he wants. i hope he comes back and i have to have faith that if he loves me he will
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 11:13am
I agree with that Spanish saying.....If it's yours it's yours. I know the wait is hard but your destiny is your destiny so wait and see what unfolds!