WILL HE TURN AROUND

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
WILL HE TURN AROUND
6
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:40am
I am 3 1/2 mths pregnant and my bf is less than thrilled w/the idea. My question, is do you think he will turn around?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 2:54pm

iejones63...

Pianoguy thinks you left a lot of information out....

1. Does your b/f have children from a previous marriage...and does he see and support them?
2. Does the idea of becoming a Father (and supporting You and the Baby) scare him?
3. Did you promise to use birth control...but you didn't?
4. How do you feel about being a "single parent?"

I could go on....but I'll let the rest of the ivillagers reading this add their 2 cents...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:53pm

I guess it would depend on why he's less than thrilled. Sometimes, men are freaked out baout the responsibility of a child and just back off. But when the baby is born, can come back around. Others just run for the hills and you never see them again.


My two cents, be prepared to be a single mom w/o any help from the baby's dad (except monetarily - which is mandatory anyways). Unfortunately, men have the easier choice to say, "no thanks, here's some money" versus women walking away via abortion or adoption.


Sorry I don't have any real answers, it just depends on the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 5:10pm

this would be our first child. Whenever i have tried to talk to him about how he's feeling his only response is that he wasn't expecting kids so soon and yes he has told me that he's scared. However, all of his friends have children and none of them support their children and i i'm starting to wonder if he is letting them influence him in a negative way. No, I didn't tell him that i was on birth control, he knew well in advance that I wasn't and no this wasn't a pawn to trap him either. heck, if you ask me i'm the one trapped! Upon finding out that i was pregnant i told him that i wasn't ready for kids etc. he responded by saying that we are too old for an abortion and that we would be fine. I told him to give me a week to decide what i wanted to do before we told anyone and before the weekend was over he had told his older sis and mother. his mother made him quit a job to come and work at her school to make more money. We are both 25.

my feelings about being a single parent... it's not the way i pictured it but its how the cards were dealt. i'm scared to death of what lies ahead but my fam and friends have been very supportive. i find most of my strength and courage to go on by leaning on them.

so what do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:22pm

Coming from a single mom, I will give you the good and the bad!!

THE BAD: I got pg at 19 ON Birth control, he was not thrilled, we were together for 3 years and got pg again. We finally split up and moved on, I received no child support and he barely visited them for 8 years. IT WAS NOT FAIR TO MY CHILDREN (who are now 17 & 14). They missed out on a lot, not anything money can buy, but my time, I was soooo tired all the time from working two jobs. I made the time "quality".

I adore my children but if the path presented itself again, I would choose the other one!! Being a single parent is the hardest, even if the fathers are in the pic part time. It's you and child 24/7 non-stop for 18 years.

THE GOOD: He finally straightened up and became a wonderful father. He got married, I got married and we CO-raise our children and they are absolutely normal, straight A, into sports, college bound, well-adjusted children for how it all started out.

AS FOR Your situation: Nobody is too old for abortion (unless your just against)or adoption, think of the child's future first, but I think you both need to sit down SOON and look at this from all aspects and what is best for all involved.

On another last note: maybe he is just overwhelmed with it, even married couple's who plan get can get scared a little with the news of it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 8:42am

iejones63...

Pianoguy read your response a couple times...and he's slightly confused?

Is there an issue between YOU...and HIS MOTHER AND SISTER?

It sure sounds like they're calling the shots where his life is concerned? So if the 3 (or 4) of you aren't getting along....there will be even more complications after your baby is born!

While I'm certainly NOT an advocate of abortion (because there are too many couples out there who would LOVE to have children, but CAN'T)....I think you need to seriously think about what's in your best interest...along with that of your unborn child??

There ARE some men out there who can easily be persuaded by friends (or family members) that the "joys of Fatherhood" are a crock! And the moment they're convinced that they won't 'have a life' the moment they start changing diapers, the joys of 'parenthood' will probably be missing?

Fortunately...this group is in the minority. Most of us (after we get over the awkward question of "Can I be a good Father to this child") usually look forward to the event.

An idea from Pianoguy:

You might want to consider talking to a trusted family member on your side---not his? Or possibly consulting with a social worker who might have a few suggestions that you're not aware of?

But ultimately---the decision to bear this child and rear it alone---IS YOURS! So please give all possibilities some SERIOUS THOUGHT before you make ANY CHOICES?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 8:46pm
do you expect him to turn around? do you want him to? if a relationship is already doomed, a child won't make things right. i think a 3 1/2 month pregnancy is late and possibly dangerous to be aborted. prepare yourself to become a single parent. now you have to start thinking less about yourself and the father and more about the child. parenthood changes everything. but don't feel down or think about giving up. a new human being is developing inside you. don't forget to enjoy your pregnancy. from now on it's all about the child and being a mom. things will turn up just fine. best wishes.