Will this last
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Will this last
| Thu, 03-09-2006 - 3:54pm |
I'll try and keep this as short as possible.
BF and I have been together for 14 months or so. We live together, along with my brother, a roommate, my two year old daughter (not BFs). So there are five people total. BF has always been sort of non commital, and a few weeks ago we had the where is this going conversation and he told me that he wasn't ready to get engaged or make any sort of commitment. We also had a talk about his parents as they do not know that we are dating. This bothers me more than I can say, and he refuses to tell them. He swears it isn't because he's embarrased of me, nor is it becuase he doesn't think it's serious, he just prefers that they stay out of his life as much as possible. His mom is relatively crazy. But anyway, so we had these talks and we decided that when our lease is up, he will move out as I don't want to cause any issues for my daughter if we live together for three years and he decides to leave. So he's leaving in six months or so, but says he still wants to be together.
Here is my issue: financially, he doesn't contribute to the house, he pays 1/3 of bills and that is it. I buy all groceries, toiletries, laundry detergent, everything like that. And he doesn't offer any help when I mention that I have 40 bucks and 10 days till payday, and yet he has 400 bucks in the bank. I feel like if he truly cared for me, he would want to help out. I'm saying he should give me his money, but when you live with people, you should do your fair share. And the way I have always seen it, you help the people who need it when you can. I help my brother with money sometimes, and then he helps me, BF keeps all his money, and watches me struggle to buy food and diapers, and does nothing to help. My other issue is chores, he doesn't do ANYTHING around the house. Up until two months ago, I did his laundry. Then I stopped becuase I was tired of it. He started washing it, but keeps it unfolded in a laundry basket in our room until it's dirty and then washes it. He never takes out trash, washes dishes or anything. I had to institute a chore chart for all the household members, which I think is ridiculous, we are all over 21 and you can't take out trash without being told too. Come on. Even with the chart, he barely does stuff. He used to live alone and his house was clean, so I don't get the sudden change.
Again I feel that if he truly cared, he would want to help me out, I work full time and have a two year old, I don't have time to clean all day every day, the least he could do is pick up after himself.
My mom thinks I should dump him, she says he's not treating me the way I deserve, my brother is starting to think that she might be right. And I am questioning whether I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants a mommy not a girlfriend/wife.
Any ideas? When we do talk he says he'll start helping, and then never does, and it makes me want to kill him.
Any advice on what I should do. Is my mother right that if he truly cared he would help me when he could. Or at least WANT to help me. I'm not sure what I should do, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Well that was longer than I'd hoped, I guess I needed to vent a little.
BF and I have been together for 14 months or so. We live together, along with my brother, a roommate, my two year old daughter (not BFs). So there are five people total. BF has always been sort of non commital, and a few weeks ago we had the where is this going conversation and he told me that he wasn't ready to get engaged or make any sort of commitment. We also had a talk about his parents as they do not know that we are dating. This bothers me more than I can say, and he refuses to tell them. He swears it isn't because he's embarrased of me, nor is it becuase he doesn't think it's serious, he just prefers that they stay out of his life as much as possible. His mom is relatively crazy. But anyway, so we had these talks and we decided that when our lease is up, he will move out as I don't want to cause any issues for my daughter if we live together for three years and he decides to leave. So he's leaving in six months or so, but says he still wants to be together.
Here is my issue: financially, he doesn't contribute to the house, he pays 1/3 of bills and that is it. I buy all groceries, toiletries, laundry detergent, everything like that. And he doesn't offer any help when I mention that I have 40 bucks and 10 days till payday, and yet he has 400 bucks in the bank. I feel like if he truly cared for me, he would want to help out. I'm saying he should give me his money, but when you live with people, you should do your fair share. And the way I have always seen it, you help the people who need it when you can. I help my brother with money sometimes, and then he helps me, BF keeps all his money, and watches me struggle to buy food and diapers, and does nothing to help. My other issue is chores, he doesn't do ANYTHING around the house. Up until two months ago, I did his laundry. Then I stopped becuase I was tired of it. He started washing it, but keeps it unfolded in a laundry basket in our room until it's dirty and then washes it. He never takes out trash, washes dishes or anything. I had to institute a chore chart for all the household members, which I think is ridiculous, we are all over 21 and you can't take out trash without being told too. Come on. Even with the chart, he barely does stuff. He used to live alone and his house was clean, so I don't get the sudden change.
Again I feel that if he truly cared, he would want to help me out, I work full time and have a two year old, I don't have time to clean all day every day, the least he could do is pick up after himself.
My mom thinks I should dump him, she says he's not treating me the way I deserve, my brother is starting to think that she might be right. And I am questioning whether I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants a mommy not a girlfriend/wife.
Any ideas? When we do talk he says he'll start helping, and then never does, and it makes me want to kill him.
Any advice on what I should do. Is my mother right that if he truly cared he would help me when he could. Or at least WANT to help me. I'm not sure what I should do, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Well that was longer than I'd hoped, I guess I needed to vent a little.

Well my way of living is much different then most so take this as just me. But, there is no way I will be with a man who does not cook or clean unless he is paying for the cleaning crew. I do not clean after my own kid let alone a grown A** man. No way not for me. I look at any one I date to know like my boys are taught. Mom/wife/siter/lady help her out, she is held to high authority. I am treated as a queen in my home and expect nothing less. I understand your child is 2 and not 8 like mine that can do their own laundry and things but I am saying you do that for your child and he being your man should see that and want to help out. If he is not then he is not worth it. IMHO
My child is already being taught to pick up her toys and stuff, but at two she still has a long way to go.
What bothers me the most is that he has listened to me bi*** about my last roommates who did the same thing, and has always been sympathetic and then does the same thing to me. I swear he thinks I should act like his mother, and I already have one kid, i don't want to raise another until I decide to have another baby.
I don't get him. And to me, if you loved someone, you would want to take care of them. you know?
And he claimed he just hadn't gotten around to doing his chores, which pisses me off becuase he has the same amount of time off as the rest of us, and yet we all get our crap done.
And yes, he does eat the food, more than anyone else, he's a big guy. He does use all the other things, toilet paper, laundry soap, all of that stuff.
I'm not finished talking to him, but he sort of thought we were done, and we weren't. I have to bring it up again and let him know that I was no where close to bringing my point home. Lately everything about him is driving me crazy, and he feels like I'm avoiding him.
Maybe I don't want to sleep with you, excuse me I have spent 4 hours cleaning the house and washing laundry and chasing my kid around, I can't be in the mood every time you are. Sorry. And he gets all pouty. And right when I'm in the middle of something he'll say come give me a kiss, and if I don't he gets mad, and it's like hey, I'm right in the middle of a sink full of dishes, I don't have time. Maybe you could help me, and then we could have more time for that.I don't know. Everyone says I should just end it, but I'm invested, I don't know if I can just be done.