Will we always be JUST friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Will we always be JUST friends?
2
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 4:40pm
I have become friends with one of my ex-boyfriends, (which rarely happens). We dated for about 4 months, 3 years ago. We just recently became friends 2 years ago. Well everything went fine for the first year and then I started becoming attracted to him again. I never let him know how I was feeling, I was scared that it would freak him out and I would lose him again. I have gotten to the point where I care about him so much that if all I can ever have him as is a friend then that is how I will have to deal with it, eventhough that is not what I want. We see each other on our breaks from college and over the summer. Lately he has been calling me and leaving me messages that say that he is thinking about me. When he came home just this week he was really touchy feely, and he held me every night that we were together and made comments about how much he enjoyed being with me. When it was time for him to leave he said he was going to miss me. Well, since he left he has not called or anything, which is normal for him. What I need to know is if he is showing any signs of liking me back...or is it time that I finally bring up the dreaded question about moving our friendship to the next level.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:09am

I'm in a situation like yours, but fresh off of the RL. You are gonna miss the good times together, the cuddling and spending time with that person...trust me I do with my ex. But you need to understand that you have to move on. Don't get yourself in a position where you develop feelings for this person and getting confused by all of the mess. Ask yourself what was the reason why you broke up, was it him...you... someone else in the picture. For me, I wouldn't want to go back to my ex 2 or 3 years down the road knowing I'm still dealing with the same crap and he's still at the same place/point in his life...he's not ready to commit. I personally couldn't go through that again.

But he seems to care for you, and if he wants to be JUST FRIENDS, then make sure he's just that...no cuddling, kiss, etc. For most RL being friends with an ex doesn't last, unless there's children involved. I don't think he's wanting to go back to a RL with you, cause if he wanted to...he would be showing more signs, he would be calling you more, making time to be/spend with you, etc. I think he values talking with you, but keep in mind he may just want you around for the physical portion of it to, the sex, and whatever else that you have done or may do, and you need to figure out if that's something that you want. My ex still has feelings for me, and me for him, and we both know that. You will always have feelings for an ex, even when you broke things off in a good manner and left on good terms.

Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time on 1 guy, move on with life and find someone that's going to treat you better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:48am
From what you wrote it doesn't sound like he is showing signs of liking you again. I say move on and stop hoping that you two will get back together again. You were only dating for four months so it was not by any means a long term relationship. The sooner you let go of him the sooner you can move on.
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