Will we always "just be friends"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Will we always "just be friends"?
1
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 3:38pm

I have been friends with a guy for about three months when he and I became interested in each other as more than friends. We talked about it and mutually decided that we would begin seeing each other, but not actually dating yet so that we could gain a trust in each other and then take that next serious step. Well, the night that we began seeing each other we decided to get together to hang out. We ended up doing more than just hanging out...I ended up losing my virginity to him. Afterwards there was a real akwardness and I felt that I didn't want anyone to know just yet and he told me that there was no reason to hide it. The next day I was working in a computer lab at my college and one of my co-workers came up to me and told me that we needed to talk later and I told her okay and waited until she was finished with class. She had known about the whole ordeal and asked me if I had consented, which I had. Apparently he had went into our place of work and told everyone that had been working that night about it...not even an hour afterwards. Later that night I went into work, although I was off, to talk to that same coworker and he came in and asked me how I was feeling. I just a little annoyed with the fact that he had came in here the night before but told him that I was fine. He just wanted to talk to me and then he had to go and said he would call me later. That night I waited for a while for him to call me but finally about 9:30 I called him and we talked. He told me that us having sex really tore him apart(because of a previous relationship) and he felt so bad that we had rushed things so much. He proposed that we just go back to being friends for a while to get to know each other better before we get back into a relationship...just wanting to make things better, I agreed. He told me that he really cared about me and didn't want to hurt me in any way and thought that this would be the best solution for now. Well, when I discussed this step with some of my coworkers I began to see inconsistancies in his stories and began to become angry with him...along with like half of our coworkers. We all just assumed that he had used me and went on his way laying this guilt trip on me to make it easy to get out of the relationship. A mutual friend how kind of helped to get us together took particular offense and blamed himself and vowed to kick this guy's butt. This was on Friday night and I ended up getting called in to work Saturday morning and ended up working with him. Before I even arrived our manager told him not to even talk to me. So for the whole day he didn't...he barely even looked at me. Meanwhile I was preparing to chew his ass out. By the end of the night we were being a little more friendly to each other. He told me that we needed to talk and I told him that I agreed. Like thirty minutes later we discussed what had been bothering me and asked me if I honestly thought that he used me. I told him that if he were me what would he think...I mean we broke up about 25 hrs after we began seeing each other. Needless to say we talked and decided to just "screw" the whole being friends and actually start dating. The next day we decided that we were going to just hang out on his two hour break from work...and old habits die hard and we ended up having sex again, but this time with no regrets and he didn't tell anyone about it. I thought we were finally on to something in this relationship, but again...I was wrong. The next couple of days went fine but then there was like a three day period where we didn't see each other and a two day period where we didn't even talk to each other. I would call and he'd either not be home or asleep...finally the next Thursday I called and left a message with his sister to have him call me after 10PM. Ten came and went and I recieved no phone call...Finally about eleven he called me. He was a little nervous and he really didn't want to make me mad at him again but he suggested that we go back to being friends again. He just didn't have the time with football practice and school to have a girlfriend. And honestly I knew that it was the truth...I am a very high-maintenance girlfriend and I know it...but now it just hurts to be around him because I know right now I have agreed to just be friends, but deep down that is not what I want and I know that is not what he wants. Another coworker and I were talking yesterday about how I was frustrated that he suggested we be friends and now he doesn't even seem to want to put out the effort to even be friends. She told me that he was scared to screw it up because he really likes me and is afraid of making a wrong move. I'm just not sure what to think I am to the point in thinking that I am IN LOVE with this guy and I can see myself being with him forever, but I'm not sure exactly what he thinks about me...I mean sure I know that he really likes me and cares about me...but exactly how much?

I guess after this long and drug out story the question that I pose to anyone who can give me a little advice is: From what you have read do you think there is a future for me and this guy as being more than friends or will I be doomed to just be friends forever? What is sad is that I am 18 years old and this whole relationship thing is pretty much new to me and I just don't know what to do next. I mean do you think that we can move past this phase and get into a serious relationship or is this not a phase and it is just destiny...what is supposed to happen? Any advise that can be given would be greatly appreciated...
Thank you for your time
Cassandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 7:16pm

Oh my goodness...

I can certainly understand why you're stuck on this guy. Since he was your first, I think that's what is clouding your vision right now and keeping you "stuck on stupid."

As hard as this may be to hear, I think you should forget about him. He's childish, immature, wishy-washy, and the fact that he blabbed to everyone that he slept with you was highly inappropriate.

He's unworthy of you IMHO.

Best to move on....

Heymum