Wondering what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Wondering what to do...
31
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 11:14am
I met a really nice guy about 6 months ago. He is attractive, interested, loyal, funny; but not working and hasn't for a few years due to needing knee surgery. He is not divorced due to needing her medical benefits, but she moved out over a year ago. They recently lost their house so he had to move to an apartment. I was initially very interested and so was he, but I soon got scared and backed off to being friends only due to his financial situation. He says he will work again in the future, but how do I know? I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. He feels I am making a mistake by backing off as he feels we are a good match. Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 12:00pm

What does it matter that HE feels you're making a mistake, if YOU think it might be the right thing to do? He wants a girlfriend, of course he's going to try to convince you to stick around in spite of the fact that the situation isn't beneficial to you.

I would stay WELL AWAY from this one. How do you know he will work in the future? Exactly. People don't take years off from working because they have knee surgery. He's floating by without any reason to work, that's how he'll continue to live as long as he can. You might be a match otherwise, but I'd say this is more than reason enough to find someone who is in a situation that is suitable for a new girlfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 12:18pm
Thanks for the quick response. I really appreciate it. Now I just have to figure out what to say to him. Thanks again for your advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 1:29pm

He is married, unemployed for several years, and that “knee surgery” excuse is flakey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 1:58pm
Thanks for your message and I am appreciative. It doesn't sound good, I agree, but the surgery was for real. I drove him home after he had it. He also did move into an apartment recently. I am just wondering how long he can afford it without a job, only disability, whatever that pays. Thanks again for responding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 2:46pm

You’re welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 6:46pm
I don't doubt that he had knee surgery. But it's a crap excuse for not having a job years later and still being married for the insurance money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 11:42am
I don't know the details about the insurance with disability (haven't felt it was my right to ask about any financial details), but I imagine the insurance with his wife is better. And yes, people do work after knee surgery. And the other knee needs surgery, too which is waiting on the first knee to heal better. I am not trying to talk myself into it one way or another, just trying to see it clearly. It's definitely possible he could never have any motivation to work and yet if he does, how much time do you give someone to prove it? Thanks again for your time and insight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 11:57am
I agree and that is why I am here--to get confirmation of my concerns. I haven't made good decisions in the past and appreciate your feedback. As I recently updated, he needs surgery on his other knee. But I guess I wonder about what's next on his list, maybe nothing, but only he knows, and how much time to allow to see him looking for work? Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 12:06pm
Your concerns are totally valid and you are very wise to want to prevent future mistakes. A person's current life situation is the only indicator you have of the future - You could take his word for it that things will change but the proof you have now says otherwise. Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 4:18am

"(his excuse for not getting divorced is a crock if he's on disability then he has medical coverage)"

It sounds more like temp disability, like you'd purchase through an employer. But even if he's on SSDI, you have to be on it for two years to get Medicare.

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