worth my time and effort?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
worth my time and effort?
1
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 5:59pm

I'm already leaning towards the decision that this isn't worth my time, but I thought maybe some fresh perspective on this might shed light on things and maybe help me understand this man better.

I met him on halloween weekend at the bar. He asked me to dance and we ended up talking for a really long time. After talking outside and getting fresh air, we headed back to my place. We talked again for a long time and made out all night. I've never done anything like that before (ok, i did, that was how i met my last bf, but in that case we were friends beforehand).

Anyhoo, so it was, what i thought, an amazing night. He called me two days after and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. However, he gave me the "i'm going to be really busy" line during that conversation. He's basically not sure if he's still got his job, as his company just got bought out. So he had union stuff and long work hours ahead. I was pretty disappointed, and was upset for a few days, but got over it and figured if he does call in a few weeks, then great, if not, then i'll get over it and it's just not meant to be.

Well, I bumped into him about a week and a half later. I was kind of rude to him. I spoke to a female friend about that and decided it would be polite for me to call him and apologize for my rudeness. So I did- left a message. He called me back 2 days after while i was out and left a message for me.

I then returned his call the next day, when i got his message, and left another message. Then he called me back 2 days later and i was home- we talked for more than 2 hours. Work stuff wasn't sorted out but we talked a ton and i added him to my msn messenger. I invited him out, to go to the movies with a group of friends (making it pretty casual) and he said he couldn't cause he was hanging out with a friend on that night. We chatted on there a bit, but he hasn't been online a lot.

He did msn me yesterday and when after about 10 minutes he mentioned he was going to head to bed soon, i said goodnight and ended the conversation there pretty much.

So that's my romantic life right now. Pretty stellar eh? I don't know how to read him. He's called me back and hasn't avoided me, but he's declined any social get-togethers. My theory is that because of this work thing and the chance he's moving, that he's against starting any relationship that may complicate things further. I haven't really spoken to him about that, not wanting to sound nagging or anything.

It's just discouraging when i meet someone who is smart and funny, but not wanting to start a relationship. But at the same time, he's playing this nice-guy routine and keeps talking to me. So while I want to say "so what do ya'll think? is he worth my time and should i work on this anymore?" i do think i know the answer. I just hate the answer. I want him to call me and say he misses me and has to see me, but I just know he's not going to say that. But, well, shall i just leave the ball in his court and try to start fresh with someone who's looking for a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 6:01pm
As a woman I feel that all women want some sort of a relationship of some sort. If he is being cautious to avoid break up later because of his job maybe you shouldn't be so hard on him. At least he is being a little courtious of your feelings. Or maybe just his. I would definitly start looking elsewhere for someone who actually wants something more than a "hi, I'm gonna talk to you here and there when I have a free minute". It takes a few seconds to call and say hi how are you. It shouldn't take a week to hear from him.
Best of luck,
Jeannine