would like opinions...
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would like opinions...
| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:16pm |
Hi, last night I was feeling very confident about my emotions regarding this situation, and today I'm second-guessing myself. I'd like opinions from those of you who've likely been through lots more than I have... I met "Mike" just a month ago, and it was an instant connection. He lives just over an hour away from me but from the night we met, we started traveling to each other's towns (we spent about 10 days of the past month together, if that gives you an idea) and we would talk literally 3-4 times a day when we were both back at our own colleges. We were intimate, emotionally invested, 100% comfortable with each other and very open about our strong feelings for one another, even after such a short time span. This single month felt like years, as we would stay up until all hours on the phone (or in person, for that matter) talking about everything imaginable. He expressed to me time and time again that he'd never been treated so well, and the way I made him feel was unbelievable. I sensed a bit of insecurity on both sides from day one, because we were falling so hard, so fast, but we're over an hour away. I know both of us were holding back a bit because we were scared of the distance. Last night as I was getting ready to go see him (just two days after he'd been here to see me) he called and said he "doesn't want to do this anymore." He did mention that there's wasnt another girl, as he "hasn't had eyes for anyone else since he's being seeing me." He told me that if I was there, or he was here, he'd "put a ring on my finger in six months." I could tell he was starting to get choked up as he told me how I am so perfect, we're so perfect together and he hates that he has to hurt me, but he simply can't do long-distance (as I'm thinking, an hour and fifteen minutes is long distance?) At the time, and even until this morning, I thought he was right, it IS what's best and since I would only see him once or twice this summer (I'll be out of town) it's best to end things before we fall madly in love and then have to deal with the distance, which obviously involves trust, sacrifice, etc. Just today I've started feeling a bit angry at him because in all reality, an hour and 15 minutes is NOTHING if its true that we're as perfect as he says we are. I would genuinely like to work at an exclusive relationship, but I dont know if he's scared because this was getting so deep and so good or if it's TRULY the distance that scares him (I think he also might be afraid that he's got competetion, as he found out a few days ago about two guys that have asked me out on dates since we've been seeing each other.) If I want him and care about him and would be willing to work at this, should I fight for him or accept what he wants? We always confided in each other and we developed a good friendship, so I know we'll still talk and eventually see each other again, but should I even hope that something might happen again in the future? He graduates in a year and I can't help but wonder once he leaves his town, maybe something could happen again. What do you all think of this? The thought of simply letting go of him makes me nauseous and it seems so ironic that he chose to back out when things were so perfect. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

I think, I'd ask if I could come see him so we can talk.
And then, I'd ask him what he's afraid of, ask him why he can't do the LDR, ask him what the future holds for him (after he graduates). For all you know he has plans on moving FAR away. Who knows.
To me, if you two truly are that wonderful, and the ONLY thing holding him back is fear, well, that can be conquered. And I agree, 1.25 hours isn't too bad. I married my xh (ldr) and he was a 2.5 hour FLIGHT away. Maybe it's time, instead of breaking up, to slow it down. Stop with all the calling, stop putting your life on hold to go see the other person.
I don't know. You see, I couldn't do a LDR ever again. Even if he was perfect. I'd tell him, "you'd be more perfect if you lived closer". Why? Cuz LDR's are NOT easy, and I'm not willing to put myself thru that again. Woudl he be worth the struggle. I don't know. But all I know is that to me, if a r'ship truly IS perfect, he'd live closer. And maybe your guy feels the same.
Hugs. I'd have a serious talk with him. Especially if he was really broken up about ending things, it means most likely, fear is holding him back. In my scenario, I wouldn't have even gotten involved with someone that lived that far, so I woudlnt' have to end things.
I just hope he's willing to talk.
~pineapple_girl
I agree, an hour and fifteen minutes isn't "long distance", so I'm guessing it's an excuse. Maybe the real reason is that he's worried about not seeing you much this summer? Who knows. In your shoes I would talk to him and let him know that you think the distance is something the two of you can work through, that you care for him very much, and that you hope he changes his mind, but you're going to leave it up to him to contact you if and when he's ready to work things out.
Sheri
If it were me I'd talk to him and let him know that I understand where he's coming from and that I'm scared too. I'd tell him that I know things went really fast and that scares me too. I'd tell him that what I would LIKE to do is just kind of try to slow things down a little rtaher then call it off completely. Give each other a little more breathing room maybe even agree to see other people. Continue buiding a fondation and just see what happens after the summer and go from there.
I know doing that would be REALLY hard, but it's what I would try.