Would you be worried?
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| Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:39am |
I had a three month relationship with a guy that ended last February. Recently, we met back up and have been seeing other and sleeping over with each other for the past couple of weeks. He has had to break tentative plans (you know the type where he says I'll call you tomorrow. Implied that we might do something but never actually saying that we will.) a few times becaue he has been sick. He came over last weekend and hung out with my friends, and we have plans to go out this weekend. I really like him, and the issues that caused our previous seperation are no longer issues. I am kinda worried though, because we were together last night and his phone rang. He didn't answer so the person left a message. Then called back repeatedly until he turned the phone off. Being an understanding person, I said, "she must really want to talk to you, you should probably answer." He didn't want to. After she called a couple more times, I said something to the effect of it looks like you have a psycho girlfriend. I would never date a guy with a gf, but I mainly wanted him to deny it. He did, but he did say something like, "yeah she is psycho."
He ended up leaving later on in the night, and he gave me a hug and kiss and asked if I wanted him to call me tonight. I said, "If you aren't too busy with your girlfriend." He just said stop it. Then he kissed me and said he'd call and left.
Now, he never called. I am wondering what you guys make of this, because you are all wise women, and maybe some of you have had some type of experiences similar to this. Please help. I really value your opinions!

Well I'm the sort to not mess about wondering. When his phone was repeatedly ringing, I'd ask "so, what's the story with her?" Not in a confrontational way, but in a interested way. You'll never know until you ask.
However, that aside, it does sound like you are simply a convenient squeeze for him.
You ask if you should be worried but do you really have a right to be? If he's just passing the time with you, all you can do is ask. You can only be worried if the two of you have discussed dating again.
Hey there...
My DS father was this way... He was a player and in the worst way. He lied to me constantly, was emotionally unavailable, couldn't be reached on the phone (he had a pager, 'nough said)... Your story sounds all too familiar... My EX did the whole meeting my friends, met my mom, etc. I however, never met his friends, family, or mom (and we dated and lived together for nearly 3 years!)
I think my EX invented the "I'll tell you that I'll call you tomorrow, with no intent to "plan" anything ahead of time with you... in case my other booty calls are free. If my other booty calls are busy, then I might give you a buzz"
You say that "the issues that caused our previous seperation are no longer issues". I'm not sure what these issues are, but apparently there is "psycho" caller out there.
IMO, he didn't answer the phone because he couldn't talk to primary girlfriend/booty-call#1 in front of you. If he took the call outside this would have aroused suspicion from you and he would have to answer HER questions of why he is not with her, why he hasn't called her, when is he planning on coming home, etc. Then he would have to turn to you and answer your inquiring questions.
This is WAY too much work for the player. He wants his cake and eat it too... Once you become inconvenient or a nuisance (aka nagging girlfriend), he will dump you and replace you with bootycall#3. Him retorting "she is psycho." Is a cop out... He is dodging the question. My EX did this to me a lot, not giving me an explaination, letting me stew in my own juice... When I asked him a direct question like, "Did you sleep with her?" I would get, "Do you think I slept with her?" Which I would return with, "I don't know what to think, that's why I'm asking you. Did you or did you not sleep with her?" Then he would reply something like "You obviously have made up your mind on what you think happened."
Oh, and the reason he didn't call you the next day is because he is once again making himself unavailable like he did with whoever called him (when he turned off his phone). He's busy making it up to her. When she seems satisfied with his affections and/or reasons behind why he couldn't answer his phone. He will then contact you and make it up to you.
It's a vicious cycle if you allow it to happen. So trust me when I say this,
CUT YOUR LOSSES NOW! Because believe me he is a LOSS, and a pathetic LOSER!
All the best,
PoolDiva
This guy is BAD NEWS. He's NO GOOD. He's a LOSER.
Need I say more?
Ok this guy is bad news!!!! You saw it fist hand that he has a crazy gf......and u dont to be his booty call whenever hes is fighting with his girl....and i know that it sucks I have been through it but if u want to have a bf then find one that doesnt have any strings attached and that wants to be with you and not use u.
jesuco,
I think you are presuming a bit too much - you said it has been just a few weeks since you two got back together - even though you are sleeping together, you cannot assume that you are the only person this man is seeing or sleeping with unless you have had 'the talk' to determine both of your intentions. Until that time, you have no right to make him feel badly for seeing other women.
I know what I am about to say may not be fashionable these days - but you have already let him know that you are willing to have sex with him even though he is brushing you off from time to time. I would cool it somewhat with the sleep overs and make yourself a little less accessible. Don't play games, but let him know that you are not waiting around for him to call and when he does call, bring up the fact that you have some plans during the week - even if you have to go to the mall or to a movie yourself. I know this seems like playing games, but no one wants to feel that someone they are dating is just waiting to hear from them and wants see them all the time. And if you want to know what's going on - call him. Take back some power by taking charge of the situation a little.
Hope this helps.
Mcfeathers