would you settle just a little....
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would you settle just a little....
| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:17pm |
I'm probably going to get axed for asking a question like this but I feel I'm at a point in my life where I am just about really close to settling in a certain way. I have met a couple of almost right guys in the past year who are both good guys overall and like me and I am seeing one of them now and the other would be interested in dating me if I gave him a shot. I know that there are others out there and maybe I should try to go out there just to see but I feel like I'm tired of gambling with what might realisiticaly not happen. I am 30 and want my own biological children and I know that if I keep looking for my soul-mate I may never find him in time to have my own children. I would love to find him but I'm trying to be realistic. The guy I'm seeing is in the Navy but he'll be on deployment for over 4 more months and he's really not good at expressing himself via email and unfortunately because of this reason I feel distant to him. I also know that he's in no hurry to have children at this point in his life. I would have to discuss more in detail but that's what i gather from him. He could go either way on the children thing. There is great chemistry between the 2 of us and we laugh a lot together and have a wonderful time together with mutual respect and caring, overall he's a good guy just really bad at expressing himself via words so it's hard for me to feel cared about when he's away and also his timeline for marriage kids might not coincide with mine. The other guy I've been friends with for almost a year and we get along super well and he's ready to settle down and have children but there never really has been that chemistry there, maybe a tad but not enough to make me think about him or for him to be on my mind. However, I know that we would get along great together and we have a lot of the same beliefs, goals etc etc. He doesn't make me laugh like the Navy guy can which is pretty big for me but I guess when it comes to having the same goals and getting along super well and communicating well that's very important as well. It's hard because I'm at a point where I'm thinking of settling for the guy who has the same goals and who is here and available. Not in a bad way because he's a good guy but just making a concious effort to stop hoping and praying for my soulmate to come because most of us never meet them but to settle a little for a really good guy who I dont have that huge chemistry with but if I open up to him and the love grows then maybe the chemistry will develop. I'm just tired of dating, tired of the games and I want my own family. I still really like the Navy guy and I could see us falling in love because we were close before he left for deployment, but realistically it might not work for what I need and want right now in my life. Ok sorry aobut the long post and rambling. The whole point is if you guys were in my situation would you make a concious effort to settle just a little or are you an eternal optimist and would you take a gamble that there is someone who's a really good fit and also the chemistry is there?

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All I'm going to say is this......
a r'ship isn't based on how much you think of him, how often you write, if it's forced or not. That's not what makes a r'ship successful. However, forcing yourself into something so you can settle down, isn't good either.
I've come to realize, a r'ship is so much more than thinking about a man all the time, or wondering what he's doing. It's more than pure chemistry, it's more than just getting along or being a good person who MAY be a good father. It's more than what you ahve with navy guy or the other one.
I really think you should stop being friends with S. Because you're just using him as a back-up when the going gets rough with T. Or when your life gets hard to handle, and you are forced to handle it alone, because navy guy is out on the ocean somewhere. Whenever life gets bad, you want to run to stability man, becuase you know you can count on him, whereas, with navy guy, you never know what you'll get.
How important to you, is dependency. Being able to depend on a guy, to be there for you, physically, emotionally, etc? How important it is really? Navy men may never be there for you, or when you need them, they may be shipped off that day, even if for 2 weeks, would you feel abandoned? alone? would you start wondering, "if only I married S because he'd be here for me?" and right now,that's what you're doing. and since you're doing it, i would say, military men aren't for you. you are constatnly comparing everyone to S, and keeping S on the backburner. maybe you should either go for it, give it your all, or let him go.
how's it feel when xbf wants you back, and then pushes you away, then back, then tells you how much he misses you or lvoes you, then does soemthing to push you away? well, that's how you're treating S. he's not a toy. he's a human with emotions, and you will push him to the point where he'll absoluletly hate you. can you live with that?
rememmber what i said. when the going gets tough in your life, you constatly are running to your backpocket man. think about it. ask yourself WHY. and what do you REALLY need from a man in your life during the hard times. and will you always doubt or run ot someone else if you're with navy guy? like you are now.
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