y bi the cow win u can get the milkfree

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2009
y bi the cow win u can get the milkfree
13
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 8:34pm
i've been living with my boyfriend for 2yrs' we've been together for 4yrs.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 11:24pm

I think you should pack up your stuff and your child and go to your mothers for a while. Tell your boyfriend that you'll behave like a wife when he makes you one, but you're done auditioning for the role. You've earned it by now.


He's perfectly content pretending and reaping all the benefits while it's kicks and giggles today, but he isn't willing to make it real and obligate himself to tomorrow. I'd tell him either you two go down to the courthouse and make it legal and real and binding this next weekend or he'll be hearing from your lawyer about setting up his visitation and child support.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2009
Sun, 07-05-2009 - 9:10pm
thank u dansfoxywife! this is exactly how i'm feeling, but the only thing is that i don't want to feel like i forced him to marry me. i know that this is something that i really need to do, but i don't want him to marry me
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Sun, 07-05-2009 - 10:57pm
I don't think this is a "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" kind of situation, as much as a "why buy the cow when you can't currently afford to buy the cow" situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 11:02am

I understand not wanting to marry under that circumstance. Afterall, no romantic love story starts with "well, he didn't want to marry me so I twisted his arm until he caved". But you have a child together and the child needs the stability of a foundation. Granted you two should have estabilished that foundation BEFORE creating the child, but that's done, and it is better to give it a go and try being married than to call it quits now and further break the family unit.


Hopefully he'll rise to the occasion and be instead of pretend to be your husband. But his financial excuse is so flimsy it's laughable, and I think it's a cover because he doesn't want to marry you. If he wanted to he would have by now. Best case senario, you two get married. Worse case senario, you stop the charade and move on with your life and find a man who will do more than just take take take, but will give of himself.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 11:05am

Sorry ma'am but I have to agree with Mrs. Foxywife here, he ultimately is throwing out an excuse either because a) you need a wedding he can't afford or b) because he wants to marry you. You two have the biggest investment possible between you - Having created a life. Marrying you should have been #1 priority on his list and if he doesn't WANT to commit to you through marriage after being a parent with you, there's a problem.

Would you be happy enough with a small personal wedding that doesn't cost a lot of money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 2:34pm

Striving,


Welcome to the board! I think in this situation he is being honest with you regarding the ability to get married at this point. I am thinking that it is because he cannot afford the wedding that you would prefer and would like to wait until he becomes financially stable.


Many men won't even settle down until they have reached that point where they feel they can provide for a family. Does he take care of you and your child? Does he work and is responsible? These questions can help determine if the reason he has given you is false or not. Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 8:12pm
thank you for your advice. i will keep these things in mind when i make my decision, and that will be very soon. my heart is leaning toward living seperately until we do marry and if it takes more time than i anticipate i'm moving on, because deep down inside i feel he's not
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 8:25pm
i really don't care about having a big fancy wedding, and he knows this. his thing is accumilating material things before he marrys, but that's not an issue with me either. i don't want to play house anymore. i want to be a good example for my children, and sometimes i feel afraid that i've already messed that up. i'm in the process of living my life according to God's standards. it might sound a little backwards but i feel once you know better u should do better. i'm sad, confused and hurt in advanced because deep down inside i don't think we're going to end up married. he's so stubborn and i know if i give him an altimatum he's not going to sit too well with that, but i know i have to do what needs to be done because i'm at a point where it's making me feel bad about myself and i don't need that in my life. i will keep you guys posted on how this turns out because it's coming soon, at least before the new year comes in. thank u for being honest and understanding i truly appreciate it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2009
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 8:38pm
i have over looked alot of things, we're both laid off from G.M. and yes he's a bit irresponsible. he's a good father to our son together but he's not really good for my oldest son(from a different relationshiP), but i constantly feel torn because he's good to his son. there are alot of things for me to factor in and the reality of the situation is staring me right in the face it's just a little
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 10:59am

Well, I think if you're ready to just stop fighting for something he doesn't want, then you should pack up your stuff and sit with him, and not draw the line, but cut it. You know he doesn't want to marry you, so don't beat around the bush waiting for him to get the balls to tell you. You tell him. Calm and rational, no tears or accusations, just resigned forfit. Something in your own words

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

Pages