1st date. Any advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
1st date. Any advice
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 8:19pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 10:30pm

I've had more first dates this past year than I want to think about. All basically went well, only two men who made me want to bolt about halfway through the date.

The first one was a guy who was so enthusiastic about our date that everyone in the place where he took me knew we were on a date, knew my name and basically watched us all night. He had stuff planned for our second date (now remember, he hadn't MET me at this point...) He took my leftover food home.

The second one, older than his pictures (and he was a photographer, or so he said), complained about ex wife and how successful she was, ate the condiments off the table with a spoon. I mean, licked those containers dry.

Other first dates have usually been a few hours, but usually I can get the feeling when it is a lost cause. Watch the body language, for instance. Thursday I had a first meet with a guy who sat apart, kept his arms at his side, seldom made eye contact. Friday, met a guy who gave me a hug when he greeted me, moved his chair from across to next to me at the table, would "accidentally" touch me when he was talking. He asked me questions about me and would comment on what I had to say. Asked me out by the end of the date.

That was usually how it went whenever I met someone I wound up dating for a while...eye contact, physical proximity (gets close, but not too close), makes conversation, not just "interviewing" you, acts interested in what you're saying.

Suggestions: try to remember some things he talked about in his profile, ask about his job (they can go on forever about their jobs...in my experience, if they don't, it's usually they hate their job or they aren't exactly employed...)ask about kids, ask about hobbies, what they do after work, on the weekends, current events.

But if you feel you are pulling teeth to make conversation, by all means, start yawning and say it's time to go home!

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 9:37am
Being nervous is inevitable when you first start out and depending on on the individual, you may continue to be a little nervous for every new date. Maybe it is a good thing, so you don't take anything for granted. I think you should be yourself. That might sound silly but some many people might try to be something they are not in order to impress. That might fly initially but the truth will eventually come out if you see each other more, so just be yourself and try to have fun. If they don't like you for you then it wasn't meant to be and no biggie, move on to the next date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 11:50am

Hi Cupcake,

I'm a big fan of free/cheap first dates so no one feels they've invested too much in something that did not work out (if that is how it goes). Since he is coming to your city, you might want to find something that is interesting and different and not necessarily high class dining.

My first date with my bf (who I met online) was at a public park and then a coffee place for drinks and snacks. It was nice because we could walk around and talk (we walked for about an hour, maybe more) and then we each drove separately to the cafe and continued talking there.

I did have my cellphone and pepperspray with me. I am usually too trusting too early so most people I tell that to are relieved that I thought ahead that much. Haha. Obviously I did not need it! But it was good for peace of mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 4:53am


Don't sleep with him. Don't have sex with him. Don't grope him or let him grope you.

Have fun. Be yourself. Remember that even if he is the great love of your life, you've still got a lot of dating ahead of you, so just chill and be you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 1:35pm

I appreciate all the advice everyone. It seems like everyone said to be yourself which is all I really know how to do. I'm still a lil' nervous be in time, I will pull myself together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2009
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 6:29am

Take a little time to think it through.

A three-hour date with a movie that lasts two and a half-hours is not a good way to get acquainted.

Then again, you don't want to be stuck staring at each other without a topic of conversation.

A daytime meeting takes the heat off.