2 guys at once, getting nervous

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
2 guys at once, getting nervous
4
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:52pm

I've been on Match.com for about 9 months or so, and have met in person about a half dozen guys. Only one did I talk to thru e-mail and phone for more than about 2 weeks before we met, and we went out for about 2 months, and are still good friends.

Well, I've been talking to 2 guys at the same time for about a month, long e-mails and longer phone calls several times a week. It's the most in-depth I've gotten with anyone before actually meeting them.

Well, I'm starting to get REALLY nervous. I feel guilty, first of all, for talking to 2 guys at once. (I don't know how people actually manage to cheat--it's hard juggling them on the phone, much less in person!) I mean, I literally got off the phone with one, and my phone rang right away with the other. And the both want to meet me soon, and have asked me out for the same nights! I've pushed both of them off, until after life settles down after the holidays.

But I'm also just getting plain scared to meet either one of them. So far, they're both great guys, and I can see that I'm going to eventually have to put one, if not maybe both depending on how our dates go, out of my life...and I've never been good at the "sorry, it's just not there for me" speech.

With the others, it was no big deal, b/c I hadn't been talking to them at length, but with these guys I have. Two and three hour phone conversations several times a week!

So now I just feel really yucky.

Your thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:51am
I understand how you feel. I'm not the type to be able to date more than one person at a time either. I would suggest you meet both of them soon. Even though you have this great connection with them on the phone, it may not translate over to "real life" when you meet. Talking at length on the phone is not so unique if you are a sociable person. Of course, it's a great thing that you can talk to them. It's obsiously important and they must be interested to stay on the phone that long. However, It makes us think we have more of a connection with someone than we may really have. Best advice I think, end the hedging and meet them. You might not click with one or either of them after you meet. Plus, the longer you wait, the more anxious you will be.
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:21am

Whenever you feel guilty about talking to more than one guy at a time, get over it. Why?

Because chances are he's talking to a lot more women than you are men. That's the way it goes. In fact, I'd bet money he's talking to at LEAST 2 women, if not more, at the same time. Until exclusivity is talked about & established, you should always assume he is, and he should assume the same with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 10:40am

I agree with travkitty...Why?

This is what OLD is all about. You could be dating both these guys at the same time and not be doing anything wrong. You SHOULD be dating as many people as your time allows. There's absolutely no reason to feel guilty about talking to two guys at once. You've never even met them yet!

Relax!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 1:05am
hey i was just like you... except i was meeting up with multiple guys... that made me a bit uneasy at first because I'm not that kind of girl you know... but then i went and met them all and the decision was easy. It was what all the girls were telling me here. Don't tell them that you're talking to another guy. You're just dating... so go for it... the answer will be obvious. relax and enjoy their company.