20s Men vs. 30s Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
20s Men vs. 30s Men
10
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 2:56pm

I am 27 and have several online profiles. My friend M is 35 and is also doing the online dating. I constantly meet guys that are 'just looking', 'looking for friends' or who continue to keep all options open while they are dating you. Basically, I'm having a hard time finding guys my age that want something serious or meaningful.

M, on the other hand is swamped with men ready to make big commitments. With one guy John, they met on a Wed, stayed up all night together that Friday and were exclusive by the following Tues. For unforseen circumstances, they had to break up (the ex came back). Then she meets Chris (33), on a Friday night, he calls and makes plans with her Sat. Sun and Mon. By Tues, he claims he's in withdrawal and misses her. He assumes exclusivity and is ready to bring his daughter over and stay the night by the following Friday. (didn't happen and M is not enthused, she's still not over John).

The same weekend she gets mail from Steve (40). After one email, he continues to text her and email her daily about his feelings for her and what happy future they could have together. He has not even met her and is claiming feelings.

Meanwhile, I can barely get a date despite having over 170 emails from Match and having emailed and talked with 20+ guys (in 2 months time). I have to literally chase these guys and initiate everything. My phone never rings. There are at least 6 guys that have asked for my number and never called.

She feels that it's the age difference. That men in their 30's are more interested in something serious, men in their 20s are still playing around.

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 3:03pm

I want some of what she has....I'm 44 and have had a terrible time trying to find someone looking for a meaningful relationship.

Claribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 4:43pm

Yes I agree that men in their 20's are having fun and that more men in their 30's are thinking more about settling down as they've probably got the career established, have some money set aside and are ready to try to commit to a relationship and having children.

Yet, from what you explained about the guys your girlfriend is going out with, they sound pretty desparate to me to become so exclusive and clingy so soon - I would be wary of them.

I attracted those types for awhile and realized it wasn't a good thing for me. Sure they seem good at first because of the overload of the attention they give to you, but they usually end up having self esteem issues and it doesn't end up working out anyway. Obsessive complusive type people also go all out at first like that in the beginning of a relationship...

What age range are you stating in your profile? Have you considered the early to mid 30's possibly? Just an idea...

Sunshine

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 5:35pm

Hmmm... I'm 28 and am dating 28-40 year old men and I haven't really noticed this difference between guys in their 20s and 30s.

My most recent exBF is 31. He decided he never wants to get married or have a serious relationship. He just wants to have fun. On the other hand, when I was in my early 20s I almost married a guy who was also in his early 20s.

But I also live in SoCal, so my experience with men looking for a "relationship" may be more skewed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 5:46pm

I would agree that what you said is *generally* true.

I can speak for myself -- in my 20's I tended to be a lot less serious about dating and was in no hurry to find someone for a LTR. I have now matured a lot, and I know what I want in life. I am looking for a LTR and I don't want anything less. I am very much done with the casual fling or "friends with benefits".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 5:49pm

Nope. Can't say I've seen a difference. The men I've encountered - in their 30s and 40s - don't want anything serious either.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 6:22pm

Hi!

I am wondering what it is you see in the three situations that you just described concerning your friend that tells you these guys are looking for serious relationships? No offense to your friend meant at all, but....

Guy 1-slept with your friend right away and then ran back to an ex. Psyco confused guy alert!!
Guy 2-slept with your friend right away and wanted to introduce her to his daughter?!?!?! Hello, psycho needy man alert!
Guy 3-emailing and talking all about a future with your friend and feelings for her when they haven't even met!!! You can't have feelings for someone you haven't met.
AGAIN, psycho man alert!

NONE of these guys are looking for serious relationships, obviously. They are interested in fast and furious and a little bootie. Your friend's experiences with "meet my kid because then you'll see I am a good dad guy", as well as "I have no life and no control over my grasp of real relationships that I adore without meeting you guy" and the "I'll show her (the ex) by going on Match and getting some sex and making her jealous and then she'll come back guy" are not about finding a relationship.

I would say that you are having much better luck in your OLD experience that your friend. She is meeting a bunch of lamers. Is that really how you want to spend your precious time and your pretty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 6:29pm

Hi cl,

If You read your letter, would you REALLY want to change lives with your friend? It looks to me like she is the east Coast distributor of Drama!!!

She seems to be attracting men who want to set a hook Immediately, and then there is a problem within 3 to 5 days, and they are on the fly--gone! No thanks, better to not have a lot of that shakin' goin on, and look for more steady partners, si?

Save the Drama fo yo Mama!
"Nothing Good Happens Fast"(wine slogan, but true of relationships, too!)

Good luck, it will happen......

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 6:35pm

HI Hoov,

I was new to OLD 6 months ago, so figured since I was going to be dating men from say...44-55, I would be in a 'better' spot as to men that had 'sown their wild oats" and were over being flighty, FWB, lacking commitment skills, and the like.

Nope! Even in their 50's, there are Just as many vaporizing, going back to exes, loco-ing out, or whatever the excuse...I am wondering When Does stability set in, in general?

Oh....I seeeeee...on the 12th...of NEVER!

Hey, I take it with a grain of salt and still enjoy my life, and if a good man comes along, I am ready.

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 7:06pm

cl214...


Some men are ready to settle down at 20, 30, 40 or 50.....others AREN'T!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: cl214
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 11:40pm

HI PG,

I Truly agree with you...but I have heard that said both ways:

1. The man has been single along time--if it is less than 10 years, you still have a chance with him, especially if it has been about 3 years. Some magic number? No, they say he is lonely and can Still remember the company of a good woman.

2.The man has been single a short time, maybe a year--nope, he is still hung up somewhat on the ex or all of the negativity surrounding that relationship, and he wants to stay farrr away from commitment. Further, it may have been a while since he was 'out and about', so he is enjoying the Candy Store, especially with the invention of OLD. Again, goes for both sexes.

I agree with you,though, no hard and fast rules, it goes per the person. And, more, accepting the ways and means of another person with you at all times, I think that, too,applies to either gender. We can all get set in our ways!

Truly,
Cupcake