2nd date surprise--lied about his age

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
2nd date surprise--lied about his age
27
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 1:51pm

Hi everyone. I thought I’d see how things played out with this guy and say farewell to this message board but I’m back because there’s been an unexpected twist on the second date.

Just to catch you up, we’d corresponded for a couple weeks, met for the first time last Thursday, and met again last night. Neither time felt like a date because the first time we met briefly in a café and last night we went for a walk. Both times were pleasantly low-key.

At one point in the conversation, he fessed up that he lied about his age in his profile and instead of being 30, he’s 35. He explained the reason why is that when he had his true age in his profile, he was being approached mostly by women in their 40s with children who would push him for a relationship fairly quickly. I didn’t really know what to say. By the way, I'm 30, never married, no kids.

He also told me that he knew after we first met that he wanted to see me again and felt badly about deceiving me. He said when he put a fake age in his profile he wasn’t thinking ahead to how he would eventually come clean to the women he met, and that he didn’t anticipate meeting someone like me. As I thought back on our first meeting, I realize he fudged a few details about his past in order to fit the whole impression that he was 30.

I’m feeling pretty conflicted about him now. On the one hand, I’m flattered and excited, but on the other, I’m bothered by the fact that things started out with a deception. I wonder if there might be other things that will come to the surface later and I just want to ask him if there’s anything else he’s hiding.

What would you think? Would you let this go, or does it raise a red flag? Am I overreacting? Should I be wary? His age doesn’t bother me, though all this time I thought he was my age, and now I’m adjusting to this new reality. What bothers me more is that there was a deception. I’ve tried to be open and upfront about myself so I’m a little disappointed that he wasn’t doing the same, at least initially.

I'm supposed to see him again later this week, so I'd love to get some responses to the above so I handle the conversation and not overreact (or underreact).

Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:13am
You remind me of a wise ole poster.

CL-Truewild1969

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:22am
Knock your socks off with this guy then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:26am

>he wasn't misrepresenting his age to score with
>younger women, but rather to avoid "older" women.
>I'm 30 for goodness sake! This hardly makes me a
>"younger woman" to a 35 year old.

You really are missing the point. What makes matters worse is YOU are now justifying his lies!!

Good luck and I really mean it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:36am
As you can tell from my posts, I tend to want to give the guy a break only because he did tell you the truth early on. That said, of course, it's wise to be on the lookout for any other things about his character that give you reason to question his integrity. Since I'm also pretty hung up on the age thing and abhor the idea of dating much older men, that also maybe "clouds" my judgement on this issue. In any event, I hope the guy turns out to be a keeper, but if he is not, I also hope that you find that out quickly and don't develop a lot of feelings for him that will end up hurting you later. Please keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:57am
Lots of people think he's LG in disguise. LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 12:02pm

According to your OP, he didn't just lie about his age:

<<>>

He told more lies to support the original lie.

<<>>

Bull excrement. He lied because he could. Presumably the delete button works on his PC. And he could have been very clear in his profile about not being at all interested in older women, or women with children. That would have cut down on them contacting him.

But then, liars always have an excuse for their lies.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 12:40pm

Exactly tho - that's the point that everyone is trying to make is that if you get someone that winks at you or sends you an email that you have no interest in for whatever reason (too old, too ugly, too fat, too whatever) all you have to do is hit the delete key. If this guy truly is all that and getting hundreds of winks from 40-ish women looking for daddies for their kids - why is he doing OLD? If he's so incredibly smokin', he should have his pick of any woman he wants, right?

Back to your first paragraph, well ummm, yeah, eventually he would have to come clean about his age if this relationship went anywhere. If things move along, she is eventually going to find out somehow and while I agree that it was better he mentioned it now instead of through a slip up down the road, it's still no excuse for lying in the first place. And there IS no excuse for lying - if he's not into older women, he can tell them when they email or he can delete them without bothering to explain. Why lie? It just makes things worse.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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