4th month running ..

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
4th month running ..
21
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 7:03pm

Hi,

We found each other through a website and added each other on facebook.We live in different states...about 3 hours drive away.

We chatted on facebook for 3-4 days and then he started pushing me for my phone number because he wanted to talk to me and did not want a pen pal. I was not too comfortable giving him my number.. I live with my parents and told him that I don't comfortable talking in their presence and that I would move back to my place in 2 months and then we can talk on phone. He needed repeated assurance on this fact.

He also suggested that we chat on yahoo/msn and I didn't see any harm. From the day that we connected on IM, he wanted to chat with me every night. Some days I made excuses, other days I was busy and chatted with him on the rest.

We started texting each other every day. He calls me "sexy", "hottie", "buddy", "dude" ... we have exchanged some of our fantasies like how it would be if we were in the same state and walking aimlessly in the evening. He has always initiated the texting ... I have maybe 3-4 times in these 3 months.

We crack jokes, pull each other's legs, have a laugh, share a bit of what's going on in our lives.

Lately, he started asking me if we would ever talk. He works in the afternoon and comes home around 9pm. I work in the mornings and am back home around 6pm.

The problem is this -

3 months have passed and I'm still with my parents. I told him this and also showed my interest in moving onto phone calls. Because of our schedules I tried to work it out by suggesting mornings/afternoons on weekends ... I could step out and talk to him. But he says that he likes to call only in the evenings after 9pm. He flat out told me that "he is not calling me in the mornings".

Considering that calling at daytime on a weekend should not be a problem since we don't lose on the minutes and it doesn't cost.

Anyhow, this was thursday. He called saturday morning but I missed the call. I sent him a message on facebook asking him what time would work for him on sunday and I would call him then. I didn't hear back on it. So, I called him early afternoon and his phone was turned off. After this, I have not called him and he is not calling me though he texts me everyday.

A guy who was pushing to get my number and told me that "he is dying to hear my voice", it's kinda weird that he would not call. I feel hurt and it seems to me that he was just using me when he was getting bored or did not have anything to do. But then he still texts me when he's at work so I don't think he's been using me. I'm so confused.

My question is why would he not call?

Since I feel hurt, I have limited my texting with him and have taken a step back. Am I right in doing so?

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 7:18pm

Is this someone you would ever want to actually meet? Did you "meet" on a dating website?

Something seems weird to me. Is he married? Living with someone? I would always be suspicious (but that's just me) of someone who could only talk to me at ccertain times.

Personally, I'm not looking for cyber "relationships" or a phone buddy if what I want is a relationship. It's never happened to me, but I've heard many times of men who just want to have a cyber relationship with one or many women. Sometimes they're married or in a relationship or just bored. Some want phone sex. I don't get it, but there you have it.

I think you're right in taking a step back.

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 7:33pm

Yes, I would definitely like to meet him someday.

He told me that he lives with his parents and brother. He is single, at least that's what he told me. He has himself as single on his facebook profile as well. It seems weird to me that he would post things on my facebook wall, send me messages on facebook, chats with me, texts me every single day and still wouldn't want to talk me on phone at certain times.

I'm open - if he treats me well, I won't object to having a relationship with him. At the same time, I'm fine having him in my life as a friend.

What's bothering me is that I feel he led me on .. and that's why the pain. If he had not pushed me and wouldn't have said things like "I'm dying to hear your voice" or "are we ever going to talk", I would have been ok. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2011
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 8:46pm
It makes me nervous that he only has women on his profile and that they are in constant flux.

I am, at times, a suspicious person...but I wasn't really getting suspicious reading your initial post. After reading your second one I started picturing a whole different scenario...like some guy who has one identity for meeting women. I mean, think about it...I could chat with some people online and claim not to have a fb page and give them a fake name...and then say finnnee I'll make a fb page....

I make the page with my fake name and fake email address and add you as a friend...then I start adding all these other people i talk to in the dating world...regardless of if i'm married/single/a completely different person in real life.

Have you googled this guy? I know this is sometimes frowned upon...but seriously see if he exists in some way. If you're not getting a few hits with his name that relate to his location, what line of work he's told you he's in, etc...then I'd be SUPER concerned he isn't who he says he is.

One of my (former-ish) guy friends, before I met him, was married. His wife was an RN who only worked nights...word on the street is he was busy visiting all of his exes at night if you know what I mean. So I wouldn't assume he isn't married just because he can talk on the phone at night.

NOW: I will say I am sorry if that all comes across poorly, I'm more just playing devil's advocate. The thing about the internet is we can all pretend to be one person, while IRL, we are the polar opposite of the person we project.

In terms of you calling him and him not calling back. For me, when my phone is off I don't see missed calls when my phone is turned on. Have you sent him a message letting him know you called? He could be completely unaware that you even called if you haven't mentioned it to him.

On another note: I, too, dated someone I met online who lived a few hours away. (The only person I actually had a relationship with from the OLD world) We emailed for like 2 weeks, talked on the phone for a week, and finally met somewhat halfway. Why is it that you did not decide to meet him at this point yet?

Let us know what happens! I hope the best for you, either way!
Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sun, 04-10-2011 - 9:10pm

Yes, I sent him a text message letting him know that I called. He himself told me that his phone was turned off at the time.

wow!! I didn't think about him having a wife who could be working at night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 3:22pm

My guess is like the other responses is he's in a committed relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 4:26pm

This just sounds like a strange relationship to me.

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:13pm

No, I'm not young. I'm nearing 40 and I'm living with my parents for a while before moving back to my place. I explained this situation to him. It took him a while but he understood.

So, the problem is that daytime works for me and nights work for him. He considers me a friend and I'm not the priority in his life. I'm fine with it.

I talked to him on chat day before yesterday at night and he wanted to talk to me but because of my situation I said no. He confirmed with me if he could call me anytime. I said yes and if I'm not able to talk to him I'll call him back as soon as I can. I know he won't call me during daytime.

Am I being paranoid about him not calling me during daytime? I just want to talk to him and I'm tired of texting.

Anyways, I basically told him that if he can't call me then he has to stop texting me. :(

He tried to get in touch with me on facebook yesterday and texted me today. So, he does want to keep in touch. I'm just afraid of being used as a spare.

What should I do? Should I get the situation back to normal by reverting to text messages?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:42pm

To me this situation is not normal at all, but I'll add my 2 cents here.

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 10:00pm

Yes, my parents have the habit of listening in on my phone conversations. that's why I don't feel comfortable and I normally go out to talk to my friends if I'm staying at my parent's place.

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 5:04pm

Here's an update -

So, this guy called me and we spoke for 5 minutes. I was in the middle of something so we couldn't talk much. The rest of the week we texted each other.

He said he is coming to my state in 2 months and he wants to see me/hang out. He also said that we need to talk for more than 5 minutes on the phone before we meet.

I called him Saturday early afternoon and we talked for 2.5 hours. Thought he did ask me questions about me/my family/how I spend my days, most of the conversation was in the context of :

- what you wearing

- what is the best sex position that you like

- your voice is hot and you have it in you to give phone sex

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