about emails

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
about emails
21
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:33pm
What does it mean if a guy who writes to you for the first time asks you how long you've been on the site and then asks you in his second email if you've met anyone off the site yet after you tell him that you've only been doing on-line dating for a couple of weeks? He doesn't ask you any other questions though. I answered this man's questions honestly but I wondered why he thought it was relevant to ask. Is it just to make conversation or is he perhaps signaling that he would like to meet me? And do guys who write to you first in interest but who wait almost two days to answer your email despite having visited the site in the meantime not interested in you? If I contact someone initially I don't lose interest in them unless they say something that totally turns me off which I'm careful to not do in my emails. I am so new to this and would appreciate some feedback.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:38pm

I would be put off by the fact that he's quizzing you about meeting other men but isn't answering your other questions, so I'd be inclined to let this one go for that reason alone. If he were just making conversation, why isn't he answering your other questions? That doesn't make sense.

As for not emailing you for 2 days, I wouldn't read anything into that. I don't like to respond too quickly to someone either--I like to space the emails out by a day or two.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:05pm

I also like to space my emails out a bit, answering them too soon, like the same day you received them, makes you look desparate.

I've learned that some people are great writers with emails and others aren't. So if they don't answer what I've asked at all, then it makes me question some. But in an email I try to keep it light and not ask too many things anyway.

Also, if they want to meet you say the next day, nope, I don't do that either, even if I have that time open. Again, not wanting to appear too available.

You said that you are new to OLD (Online Dating). If you read through the threads on here and go back some, you'll learn many things. I didn't know about this board before I started doing OLD, so I experienced many of the pitfalls because I didn't know about them.

But mainly, try not to email or IM too long before meeting because your expectations and emotions can get too high and when you meet and they aren't what you had concocted inyour head (fantasy) you can be really disappointed. I try to meet them within about 2 weeks over which time we've probably exchanged a few simple emails (not too lengthy) and maybe a phone call or two which is short in length also.

I think some people think that they have to know so much about the other person before they meet them, but really you are just meeting to see if there IS any interest between the two of you. OLD is just a venue to meet other people.

If there is interest at the face-to-face meet then great, if not then don't take it personal because we all have personal preferences in people and you may not be in their preference or they might not be in yours either. So you just have to move on and keep at it. Don't let OLD become your life, just part of it. Good luck...

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:24pm

No, I didn't ask him any questions that he did not answer. He was actually very responsive. I just thought his questions were kind of odd and wondered what his motivation was for asking them.

There was one other guy I met off of the site before who told me to ask him any questions that I'd like and when I did, he only answered 3 of the 5, so I refrain from being to quizzical. He also wanted to spend tons of time talking to me on the phone for the two days before we met and when I said that maybe we should end the conversation, he asked me jokingly if I had a hot date that night to keep me on the line, and then he asked me to call him later that night to talk some more. When I met him, I was sorely disappointed and the chemistry over the phone did not translate into chemistry in person. So yeah, from now on, I'll avoid long phone conversations at all costs. Thanks for the help. This board is a lifesaver!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:42pm

ya know i've oftened wondered why the guys ask how long have you been doing this and have you met anyone good people?

when i first started it , the questions were about me and about him. not about how long or who i've met..

recently tho 2 guys i was talking to, asked me these questions right off the bat on the phone.. i was wondering why ?? it almost seemed to me like they weren't interested or trying to get other info ?? I really don't care if you met 20 other women and they were all great, what i care is if you are interested in getting to know me.

i don't mind knowing howlong they ;ve been doing it but , the last two guys were telling me their experiences one told me about the golddiggers out there, and his last date and the other went on to say how many great people he has really met..
i never heard again from the guy because i was very honest w/ him and told him i am looking for ltr and yes I just started doing it agan and yes i had a r'ship fromit.

the other guy i ended up closing out because he kept saying we could do coffee but never got around to actually setting up a date. I emailed him politely telling him i was interested however, I was not interested in conversing on the phone and emailing on months end. i also left the door open if he so inclined ot be ready to go out he had my number. I am assuming he was juggling 2 or 3 women alreayd and i was on the back burner.. and I have not heard from him since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:49pm
Just making conversation. Answer them generically - without specifics. I wouldn't read too much into the response times. Keep several emails going at once if possible and then the people who disappear become irrelevant.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ising101
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:49pm

Ah, ok, I misread your OP. I thought you said that he didn't *answer* your other questions, but I see you said he did't *ask* you any other questions.

I guess I'd just see what he does next and whether he does ask you any questions about yourself, which to me indicates interest.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: ising101
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 12:51am

>>ya know i've oftened wondered why the guys ask how long have you been doing this and have you met anyone good people?<<

I often times ask this question to people that I chat with from the outset... for a couple of reasons... first it is something that I have in common with this stranger that serves as a fairly good opening line but more importantly it is really a probe into what exactly they are looking for from OLD... I often times get more information about what they are looking for when asking them to describe their actions on OLD than to ask them the question of what they are looking for...
have received revealing responses that either led me to pursue more chatting with them or to block them... eg. the one guy who went into graphic detail about his first meet having sex with a woman in the back of a cab in NYC... it made in easy for me to decide what to do with him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: ising101
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 1:11am

gal-- :) it's amazing how much info you can get.. what a dummy,now if he was smart he would have never told you that.

yeah one of the two guys that asked me , told me a story about a chick he got drunk(well he bought her the drinks) and he had to pay for a hotel room for her, becuase he was a nice guy and did not want her driving?? excuse me? he said this was his most expensive date yet.. yeah right and the catcher, i asked if he'd be seeing her again and he said he wasn't sure yet.. but maybe.. he wants to see a girl again that got so drunk on the first meet he couldn't drive her home?? and he was 39 yrs old!!! i said well that would be a dealbreaker for me...

this guy was an idiot and i went to close him out and he beat me to the punch. oh well. i think he knew i caught on to his crap anyways/... NEXT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
In reply to: ising101
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:22am
You know, that makes a lot of sense. This guy who asked me these questions seemed very gentleman-like in his emails. However, when I first read his profile, I was a bit skeptical because even though he states he wants a friendship that will turn into a long-term relationship, he also mentions that he wants someone who is open-minded and he is open-minded himself. I asked a couple of guy friends what that means when a guy says in his profile that he wants someone who is open-minded and they both told me that this is meant in the sexual sense. I don't know if that's the case with this guy but I am wary of that terminology when I see it in a profile from now on. I didn't make it sound anywhere in my profile or in my emails to this guy that I am looking for anything other than a relationship with someone compatible with me and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know what others' opinions are on this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: ising101
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 5:40pm
Even though I find it strange he asked you in an email, I always ask an OnLiner how long she has been on the system (on 1st phone call or 1st meet... whichever seems more comfortable). I'm not trying to pry; it's just that those with months of experience seem to have lost the Kid In A CandyStore syndrome... and I prefer meeting those types.

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