Abuse & Dating
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 09-30-2005 - 8:31pm |
Two weeks after my children & I ran away from an abusive home environment, I lost my father to cancer. I was very unstable. Mentally, emotionally & physically. It took many months to get our lives somewhat stabilized. We had lived in a safehouse and I met women who were in the same situation. Some were lucky, like me. We got out. Some were not. And went back to their abusive husbands either out of fear or financial dependancy.
With the support of my family I was able to find a new home, and finally was able to work and to meet new friends. More than anything I wanted to get my identity back. I started skating. I listen to Guns n Roses and jump on the bed. I walk to the gas station in my Spongebob pajamas. I say hello to the bagboy at the store. I have my freedom back and it's a beautiful thing.
My first husband had came down for a visit with his new girlfriend. They told me they had met on Yahoo Personals & to this date have been together for 1 1/2 yrs and the wedding date is in the Spring. And I wish them the best.
I had dreamed for years to meet someone who would be nice to me. And I was lonely. Looking for companionship. Looking for love. I put up a profile (no pix) and within 5 days pulled it off. I found the one.
He was perfect. Too perfect.
I did all the things wrong. I never dated much and didn't know what to do or not to do. My self esteem still needed improvement and I felt vulnerable. But, he made me feel so good. He was so nice. Spent money on me & the kids, met my Mom, drove the long distance, called everyday, all the attention. I was so lucky......
Within a month he started. Getting angry if I was not home when he called. Threw a rage if construction guys were working on the apt. complex. I had to stand right next to him when we'd go out. I couldn't "wander off". He was angry cause he wanted to be with me everyday. The harder I tried to please him it still wasn't enough. It would had eventually became violent if I stayed.
I ran away from one and right into another. Damn, was I stupid.
Yes, I have learned my lesson.
I found this web site early on while starting OLD.
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157
If I could give any advice to anyone new to OLD is to just please read this. It was so easy to fall for someone's charm. Believing in someone so quickly. Feeling and not thinking.
I continue to work on myself. It's one of my top priorities. I am not currently seeking anyone, but I am always seeking good people who are a positive influence in my life.

That's a great article.