Additional pictures

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Additional pictures
21
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:42pm

This is really kind of funny.

So I'm communicating with this guy that I met on a local "friends" bulletin board where you only get to post one picture. Naturally my picture is a really good close up of my face. The guy seems to find me very pretty, jokes about how I can look so young, can I really be my age, etc.

I wrote back to say that I would send him a link to some other photos, thinking that he should see that I am not exactly thin. (The close up doesn't show that.) And I went to my yahoo page to look at the pictures I had to decide which links to send him. SOmething made me look at the "additional information" for one of them, and imagine my shock when I found that the pictures were all dated 1978. (They were all taken between Dec. 2005 and July 2006.)

Now, never mind that in 1978 I weighed 95 lbs and looked like a pixie. Never mind that the digital camera that took the pictures wasn't even invented in 1978. Never mind that the photographer (my daughter) wasn't even born. The problem is that the date is unreliable. I mean, if I send the link to this guy (or anyone else) he's not going to think they are from 1978, but he is still going to wonder if the pictures are really recent.

So now I am wondering if there is some other site than Yahoo where I can post my pictures for this sort of situation which will NOT include the MISinformation of the date?

It's really very funny.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:34am

I agree with Rebecca... 'sharing a photo album' would be a good way for him to see you. Yahoo has a good photo album to upload pics to. Then you can just send him the link to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:49am

Ha! He'd have to know that they weren't from 1978 because the digital camera didn't exactly exist back then. But they could be from the 1990s, and that could be 8 or 10 years. At my age, 5 years can make a huge difference.

I am going with Shutterfly, but I just need to think of a good way to suggest sending them. It's just not in character for me to say, "here are some more pictures" when he didn't ask for them.

A new complication is that it turns out the guy works in the building across the street from mine, for a company that subcontracts to my company and is currently working on a project for another division of my company. This is going to be interesting. In addition to my being chubby, I outrank him.

Dating was easier when I was 24, thin, and an impoverished grad student. ;)

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:07pm

Problem is, they AREN'T pictures from my last vacation. They are just miscellaneous pictures, most of them posed for the purpose of selecting the best for dating profiles. A couple are candid shots that my daughter took, but they are not linked thematically in any way. So I have to come up with some other reason.

I agree that "Here are some more pictures so you see what I look like besides that little picture," is not a smooth way of saying it. (Though better than "This is so you won't be too shocked when you see how old and fat I usually look.")

Elsa

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:17pm

Ok, I'm confused ;-). You said in your first post in this thread that you'd written to him saying you'd send him a link with more photos. So why wouldn't you just send it and write something like, as promised or as previously discussed, here's the link?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:24pm

Then tell him just that, they're several more pics that you've compiled into an album.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:18pm
Let me tell you, I ***WISH*** men woudl send me a link to MORE photos of them. I hate getting just ONE pic of someone & then feel badly asking for more.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:42pm

Actually, what I told him was that "if he was interested" I would send him a link to some more pictures. I assumed he'd say, "yes, want to see your pictures" (and so went straight to select the pictures) but in fact he hasn't asked.

He seems interested in me, however, to the extent that he has tracked down my work webpage where there is another (somewhat less flattering, older) picture. This one shows me from the waist up, and it is clear that I am not thin--but that was when I weighed 10 lbs less than now.

I suppose I can say, "So do you want to see my other pictures, or just wait until we meet in person?" -- which we are going to do sometime next week, I think. As I posted on another message, it turns out we are practically co-workers. Which has some stickiness to it.

Oh well.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 9:02pm

Yeah, it's funny how many guys have only one little picture but want to see lots of you. This guy, however, hasn't really asked to see the pictures I offered him, which is what makes me feel a little uncomfortable about just sending them.

At this point, I don't think he will decide against meeting me if he sees the pictures because we have identified each other as potential co-workers. Having asked to meet in person before the pictures, it would be rude of him to cancel when he saw the pictures. All that would happen would be he would meet me but make it clear we were just going to be "friends." (It's what I will do if I don't like him for some reason.)

But you are right that in general sending the pictures is a good idea, which is why I wanted to send them initially. It's just we've been in touch since then, he hasn't asked for the pictures, and he wants to meet. Throwing the pictures at him now doesn't feel comfortable.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 2:02pm

Okay, not that I assume anyone is breathlessly waiting to hear my latest anxiety-driven action on this, but just for those who need to know that they are not alone in obsessing about their pictures, how guys will look at them, etc. ...

What I just did was send him a snapfish invitation saying I was looking forward to our lunch tomorrow because I could tell already we were going to be friends. Then I said, "one thing that impressed me is that even though I offered you haven't asked to see more pictures of me, so as a reward for your restraint, here they are."

Now I feel really relieved. I think I found the perfect way to send him the pictures and emphasize that I value his friendship without saying "I expect we will just be friends."

It makes me much easier that he will have seen the worst of me. (I include one picture accurately labeled, "this is probably the worst picture of me within the past five years" as well as two full-length and one half-length that make it obvious that I am fat but are kind of flattering and a couple of me playing with my cat where my face looks good but my arms look chubby.)

If he is a gentleman, he will still meet with me tomorrow as a friend even though my weight bothers him. If he isn't, then he will cancel with some excuse and I will not have to go through the "Omigod, she is fat!" moment. (I know he won't just ghost because of the work connection we have discovered between us.)

And of course, a miracle may happen and he may decide that my weight doesn't matter, find me attractive anyway, etc... One can only hope for miracles.

Thanks all for listening. And for the help suggesting snapfish, etc.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 7:42pm

I can't speak for everyone but I was definitely looking forward to an update. And I'm sure a lot of others were, so stop that negative talk missy!


I'm glad to hear you got up the courage to send them and you did it in a way that is comfortable for you.


The only thing I want to get on you about is your self image/self talk. Look, regardless of whether or not this guy meets up with you, I'd really like to see you start being more positive about yourself. So what if you're overweight? I've seen woman who are considered to be very large and my lord, they are more gorgeous than any skinny chiks I know. And honestly I believe it's a combination of them knowing who they are and loving it along with them taking care of themselves in a loving manner...


Going forward, I'd love for you to try to realize what a gorgeous woman you are, regardless of how much weight you have on you. Love the skin you're in, girl! And keep us updated! :)