Advice needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Advice needed
2
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 1:54pm
I just came across this website & need some online advice. I have been chatting with a man that seems wonderful for about 3 months. He's called me on the phone & exchanged picutres. We were supposed to meet in about 5 weeks because his job has him overseas. Another girl online told me he was lying & to do some checking, which I did. What I found out was that he's been here in the US for the entire time & maybe 10% of what I've been told has been the truth.

My problem is that I'm not sure that I want to stop the fantasy with him. I do enjoy our conversations & he always makes me smile & laugh. I do get out and date other men, so it's not like I'm waiting on him. Is it bad to want to "pretend" when you know there is no hope for anything more?

Thanks!

Summer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nvlpilotgf
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 2:13pm
Interesting question!

In my opinion, if you are ok with him being a penpal and friend and nothing more, then keep emailing him. But you have to make very sure that you don't read more into than is there. If you know he is lying, then this is definitely not a guy you want to get involved with for anything more than interesting conversation. If it were me, I would think of him as another guy friend and keep talking to him.

-Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: nvlpilotgf
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 2:23pm
Summer, welcome to our board. So happy you came to us for advice. In my opinion, I would say that you should be careful with a man who you know has lied. First of all, he could be married, and secondly, why waste your time? As you said though you enjoy the fantasy and he makes you smile. I see nothing wrong with being pals, but I would definitely make sure he is aware that you know he has lied, and maybe he will come clean and you guys can be truly friends. Nothing wrong with keeping in contact with him, but the lies would be brought to attention if it were me. I am glad to know you are dating others, and hope you are truly not sitting at home waiting on this man that lied to you. IF you like the fantasy of it, then make sure you keep it a fantasy. No phone calls, no in person meetings. He lied, and that would make me wonder about his character. One question though, this friend of yours with the info, how did she know you should check him out and that he was lying? Why was he lying to you anyway? I would want to know all this and it would turn the fantasy off for me right then and there knowing someone was lying about who they really who were. Now, that is me, but if you are happy with things the way they are, just be careful with your heart in the whole scheme of things. I would say after 3 months....are you sure you arent having a hard time letting go? Im just saying this, cause I had something similar happen one time and even though I knew the guy was either lying, or just plain scared of meeting and committing, I still allowed our friendship to continue. Just make sure you are not settling for less. I would hate to see you hurt in this. Goodluck sweetie and join in! We love newbies!!


Gail:)