Advice Needed ASAP... Please!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Advice Needed ASAP... Please!!
5
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 11:24am
Hi Everyone, This is my first time on this board, but I have been on others here. I posted my profile on a dating site, got lots of responses, have met 3. The first went nowhere. The 2nd I really liked and we really hit it off, he said he wanted us to make plans to meet again, he really wanted to see me again, and that he really enjoyed our time together, however it has been a week and have not heard from him. He did reply very briefly to an email I sent. The problem I need help with is I have also been emailing one other and we met last night. But this guy is going way too fast for me, talking about me moving in with him, renting my house, being together forever. The emails and phone conversations were great, but in person there is just no chemistry for me. Has anyone ever been attracted to someone but when you meet there is no chemistry, or attraction? Also he tells me to call him, and when I do not he says why did'nt you call me? He is expecting me to see him today but after meeting him in person I know he is not someone I want to be serious about, and I was ready to end the meeting last night as soon as he pulled me to him and kissed me. I felt nothing, and it was actually unpleasent. I do not want to hurt his feelings, but he is moving in fast forward and I feel very uncomfortable with that, and feel like I am being controlled somehow. Please help! How do I get out of this without looking like a bad person? He will be calling me today I know. Thanks bunches
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 11:32am
Hi,

That dude sounds seriously desperate. Well if I was in your shoes I'd tell him that I'm sorry but I'm just not interested in you. I'd tell him why if he asks, and I wouldn't take any exscuses he might bring up. Once I've had a good talk with him and explained it all, I'd be clear that I wouldn't call him or email him or have any more contact. And then if he tried to call or email or whatever I'd ignore it. If it continued I'd then go so far as to threaten a harrassment suit.

Well that's what I'd do in this situation. I had a similar thing happen in high school (a long time ago) and basically I had to take it as far as the harrassment threat before the creep left me alone.

Good luck!

Gabi

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 2:00pm
I would send the annoying guy a short email saying that you've enjoyed talking to him but you didn't feel enough of a spark to continue seeing each other. That's all that's necessary after one or two dates. I don't think it's necessary to get into a long talk with him or even do it by phone.

I think you're a little too concerned with how someone you barely know thinks of you! He's a big boy and if he chooses to date, he bears the risk that not everyone he meets is going to hit it off with him.

As for the guy you hit it off with, that is SO frustrating, isn't it? I had the same thing happen a few weeks ago...but after exchanging a few post-date emails, he's disappeared. Oh well, next. It happens.

Sheri


Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 4:49pm
I know exactly how you feel! I'm in that situation right now. I met a guy in a chat room and it turned out he lived 10 minutes from me. We met 2 days later and there was just absolutely NO chemistry, but he really really likes me and I don't know what to do about it. He's practically been stalking me lately, he can't get the hint that I don't like him. The only advice I can give you is to just tell him straight up how you feel. I'll be interested to read your responses, maybe I can find a way to help my situation too!

Welcome to the board!!

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 07-13-2003 - 3:04am
HI elsa and welcome to the board! It happened to me too b4, met a guy on mirc, he sounds interesting, i gave my number he called me everyday we set out for casual meeting in the mall, i know he likes me instantly but for me no attraction at all. He told he's goin to send me home but i declined. Since then he called evryday, repeatedly asks for my house address, that i never gave. He asks for a second meeting after so many months, i said yes telling myself why not give it a try and see what would i feel the second time, but absolutely no chemistry. Tried calling me again and again and asks me for a relationship...so i told him frankly and in a nice way that it will not work out...since then the poor guy stops calling...weeew i'm glad i didn't gave him my home address no way he can track me home.

So that's it, you can tell him frankly what you feel the next time he called or send him an e-mail. Good luck

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 9:17am
Welcome to our board!! Sorry it took me a few days to respond. I really only have time to be on line Mon-Fri. Sometimes on the weekends when I can get my computer to cooperate. Well, to answer some of the questions you asked. I would say we have all been in your shoes before. I have met lots of guys on line and there were times we clicked on line and over the phone, but when we met they just didnt do it for me. I would say, just let them know up front you are not looking for anything serious. As in, when you first talk with them on line. Do not set yourself up for any big disappointment either. Talk briefly on line, then over the phone, and then meet as soon as you can. Therefore, gives you the chance not to get too involved too soon. I would say the guy moving to fast, needs to be told right away. Tell him he is moving too fast and that you are not looking for anything that serious right now. I would say try and have fun with this on line dating thing and most of all be careful. Just dont let on too much about what you are looking for. Just say you are looking to meet new friends and that is it. If you tell these guys too much before you meet, they will end up like your fast guy there and think you are ready to walk down the aisle. Just take it slow and try and be as honest as you can. Besides, you cannot control what people think of you, so dont worry so much about being the bad guy. IF being honest with someone makes you the bad person, then what is the point in having a relationship. I would say honesty is best, no matter what these men think of you. Goodluck and keep us posted!!

Gail :)