Advice needed!! Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Advice needed!! Confused
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 3:37pm

Hey Girls

Sorry for the long email!!! I just wanted to get some advice met a guy online been on 2 dates so far on the 1st date he told me he would hide his profile which he did so I said I'd hide mine too.

It's been 2 weeks so far he only calls about once a week and doesen't text that often either so it's like i'm not even dating anyone i feel like a bit of a lemon hiding my profile because it feels like i'm just waiting around for him to call when I could be going on loads of other dates I do work a lot but it seems strange

We were supposed to go on a date tonight so I waited and waited for him to text as I prefer guys to take the lead eventually I got sick of waiting and I text him he said he was working late really wants to see me and misses me alot etc and wants to meet tomorrow instead on our dates he always leaves at around 9:00pm he said he's just really anal about sleeping as he has to get up at 5:00am in the morning on week days......mmmmmmm

Am I over reacting to be suspicious? i'm used to guys who are very keen and i would never have to even think about texting them first my guts telling me somethings up what do you girls think? I have a feeling that if I didn't text him today he would never of texted me but confused because his profiles still hidden!!!????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 4:52pm

Alright, IMO I don't think he is really into dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 7:32pm

Why would you hide your profile after one date? You don't know him well enough to say that he is 'the one', at least the one for a while.

And he suggested it, but doesn't call?

My dear, go back, unhide your profile and move on. He doesn't seem all that interested in getting to know you. Maybe he his his because he has someone else out there he doesn't want knowing he is on line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 8:50pm


131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 2:55pm

I agree with the others, especially vexer - I don't think there's any way you could really know him well enough after one meet to decide that he's the one and worthy of your hiding your profile.

Here are some links I think you may find useful. I'm sure members here who are veterans of online dating can point out to you the best points of these links to take away and apply to your online dating experience:

Cyberflirt: 6 Do's and Don'ts of Email Courtship
Finding a Great Guy Online: An Insider's Guide
6 Jerks to Avoid Online
Staying safe while having fun


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 8:47pm

I had the distinct impression that the OP was wondering if he was married????

And it sounds to me like he might be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 9:51am

One thing I have noticed with OLD...there are a lot of people who are just "playing". They are NOT serious about getting to know someone, or they want to do it solely on their terms.

I have 'met' guys who can only get together once every other week...and yet they claim they are looking for a relationship.

I dated one guy, he seemed really into me, called me after the first date, but said he could only see me two weeks later. Fine, I thought, because we had just met, and he had other plans he had already made, mostly for work. Then one night he called me, he was in town, he wasn't doing anything, but wasn't interested in seeing me, either. He wanted to make a date, a SLEEP OVER at an apartment in NYC, on New Years (two weeks later), AFTER he ran a 5K at midnight.

His once every other weekend with the kids had morphed into every weekend with the kids, then his parents are in town and he can't see me, then he has to go out of town for work, then he would call at 10:30PM or at 8:15AM while I was on the way to work...

Again, I think it's play for some people..."IF" I could have a girlfriend right now (and I can't because I am married or in some other relationship...) what would I like to do? What hoops could I get someone to jump through? What more do I need to feed my ego?

It ain't fun for those of us on the other end, because we don't know what the situation is on their end!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 12:02pm

That is SO true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 6:15pm

I know the OLD is difficult, but you're doing it for a reason. You have goals or objectives which you may or may not have clearly defined. It sounds like you're not getting what you want out of this arrangement. That said, unhide your profile and keep looking until you find what you want, or at least something that feels somewhat right.

Whatever baggage this guy has, you don't need to carry it.

Hope you find who/what you want soon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 12:21pm

Yes, lots of people play on OLD, however, they play in "real life" too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 11:05pm

Hi York,

I'd love to know what the York stands for because it's the name of the city I was born in!

I think you make a lot of good points. There are a lot of players out there and internet dating facilitates connections for those types of people. Because it's a relatively inexepensive way to peruse and connect with many people in a short amount of time.

It's like throwing jacks on the ground and seeing how many you can grab before the ball bounces again. It's not too hard to get a handful at a time.

But yes, it's frustrating for those who really hope to find a long-term relationship and don't have many other prospects for meeting someone who is a good fit.

I like to approach OLD as a way to learn more about myself and to uncover more of the qualities in a potential partner that matter to me. And how else can you do that but by trying on a lot wrong suits, you know? And learnng about the qualities you don't want that you didn't take into consideration before?

And OLD is also a way to meet potential new friends. See when I don't have so many high expectations I find I'm pleasantly surprised and at the very least, not so disappointed when it doesn't yield much.

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb