Advice needed. Too many responses
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| Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:04am |
Things didn't work out with the last guy I was seeing (he ghosted) and I'm back on OLD giving it another shot. I've been on & off for about a year now and I have learned from past mistakes and learned alot about other peoples experiences from this board. So, I am very cautious.
Well, this time I did something a little different. I put a picture up. It's been up since Tuesday and I got 23 responses. They want me to add them to my chat list and it's getting too many that I just can't chat with more than one person. I haven't had time to reply to everyone and I do not want to give a false impression.
I replied to a few and it felt like they thought I was their girlfriend already. I told one I wasn't interested and he went off on me. I'm expecting another hate letter coming real soon.
There are two that I'm talking to now that I really like, but trying not to get my hopes up. What would be the best way to explain that I am looking for my best friend someone I can talk to easily and would prefer to just exchange emails for now until I can get to know them? And how would I go about telling them that I do not feel comfortable/not compatible with anyone who has served in the military. I'm being honest,I have nothing against them I have my preferences it's just that I don't get along with them.
Trust me when I say that I'm not all that. I do not like attention. Especially unwanted attention.
I'd like for someone to just say "Hey would you like to be friends? If something more comes out it then great if not I'd still like to talk to you from time to time."
Any advice?

First of all, why don’t you make it clear in your profile that you want to be friends first? It will scare some of them away, but it will be OK, if that’s what you want.
I personally don’t like IM. Prefer to talk on the phone and get a date fast.
Also, I do not reply to first emails and winks if I am not interested. I simply don’t have the time. If a guy were persistent, I���d just send a polite “we’re not a match” email and then block. If I had few emails back and forth and decide I’m not interested, I’ll do the same.
Hope this helps and have a fun search!
Toria
I agree with Toria, why do you have to explain WHY you're not a match? Either don't respond, or just say, "sorry, but I don't think we are a match" then block them, so you don't have to deal with further responses. And definitely block the guy who's sending you hate mail!!!
I personally don't think you can "get to know" someone through emails, but if that's your preference, then putting something in your profile about "friends first" might be a good idea, or just explain when someone asks to meet you that you prefer to email for a while first. Just be aware that many people are online dating to MEET people, not to do the endless email thing, so that may turn some people off. But I guess they wouldn't be right for you anyway, so no big loss, right ;-)?
Sheri
Most guys don't want endless emails to "get to know eachother".... you can't get to know eachother just through email.. it requires face-to-face contact and interaction... otherwise, you may as well be pen pals. People often aren't online to make pen pals.
If you aren't interested in dating and you want to be "friends" you're cutting out a lot of people and many men won't contact you so I'm not sure about putting that out there in your profile.. They'll think you're playing around. Granted, a lot of men think that women who do online dating are desperate and will have sex right off the bat anyway, so maybe this is a good thing... Contrarily, if you behave as if you're not the easy type, then all should fall into place.
If you're getting more responses than you can handle right now... don't respond... go through them from the top to the bottom and if you want to contact them as you want, do it. You don't owe everyone a response just because he sends you an email.