Advice for the new girl :)
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| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 6:48pm |
Hi everyone,
Been reading some of the posts on this board, and I really like the candor and humor that you all seem to have with each other. So, I figure you'd all be good to ask advice from.
So, I just recently moved to a new city, and thought that joining lavalife would be a good way to meet new people. So far, I have meet a couple guys...nothing too special. Right now I'm in contact with 4 or 5 "possibilities" but haven't met them as of yet.
The thing is that I get a lot of other guys sending me instant chat messages and emails that I'm not interested in. Is it alright to just ignore them? I feel guilty for not responding...especially with the instant chat thing.
Then, sometimes I'll check out a guy's profile, and chat with him...but it's so obvious we aren't a match. Then, at the end of the conversation, they ask if we can talk on MSN or if I think we'd be a good match. I find it so hard to just say "I'm not interested" and then I have all these guys on my MSN that I don't want to talk to (I end up blocking them a day later or whatever).
How do you get over the 'I don't want to be rude' feeling? Any advice would be appreciated!
Alyssa

As you may have learned from reading the other posts, folks who are new to OLD get LOTS of attention in the beginning.
You'll get over the 'I don't want to be rude' feeling after YOUR replies have been ignored a couple of times...!!
I really don't mean to sound glib or callous, but it's true. It's all part of the OLD experience... ghosts, flakes, ad infinitum.
Do what feels right -- that blocking thing is usually a good way to go if you don't EVER want contact with them; I personally agree with you that the instant chat thing is intrusive and annoying.
Tracy
Hi astro girl and welcome to the board!
The easiest way to get over the feeling of being rude is after you get a nasty letter telling you a bunch of nasty things because you were trying to be nice by being honest! LOL
Seriously though, I think the best thing is to adopt the "silence is golden" approach. If you get an email or a wink from someone you have no interest in, simply ignore it. Only if there is some type of communication established do I think it deserves an "I'm not interested" email/call. (But mind you, a few folks here will disagree with me and it's all good!)
That my answer to your question and now for the board... welcome, feel free to post as often as you'd like and please feel free to join our chats on Monday at 9pm EST. The link is on the main screen.
Hope to see you around!
Kerry
Hi,I've been thru what u're going thru now, except I am in a different site which does not involve chat.
Being new, I received a lot of emails, and I didn't know what to do with the ones I wasn't interested in. So with the few who seemed nice and sincere, I replied saying 'I'm sorry I don't think we're compatible, I hope u'll find your match'. As for the others who seemed like they were merely checking out every new gal on the site, I simply ignored them. A few of the guys I formally turned down actually replied to say 'thanks for being honest', and wished me the best too, so I felt alot better.
As time passed and I was communicating with more members, I was truly surprised by a few of them(whom I thought had potential) who suddenly went missing in action. They just stopped writing to me. I thought that was rude, but perhaps they felt bad for telling me they're turning me down.
So it really depends on the circumstances. Members will get used to ANYTHING - silence, diplomatic rejection, rudeness, or even harsh telling off! It's all part of the 'fun'! LOL.....
Good luck and have fun!