Advice Please!!
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Advice Please!!
| Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:47am |
I think I have found my match in this amazing guy. I have a date set up with another guy on Tuesday night. I don't really want to go any more, but I don't want to close doors or anything. The thing is, that I really like the other guy. And why waste this guys time or money. Besides, it seems a little shaddy to go on a date when I know it isn't going anywhere. But then again, it might. I am so confused. I am afraid of getting hurt. Those who knew me from Ask mr. answer, know that I was dating this guy who I caught going home with random girls from bars. So I learned the hard way that "dating" doesn't mean anything to guys. But something tells me it means something to the guy I like. And I don't want to lie to him. I wouldn't want him doing this. He is one of the guys that took his profile off as soon as he got home from our first meet. He takes it slow and doesn't freak me out. He is so sweet!!! Y'all gotta help me. I am torn. I want to follow my heart, but it is also crunch time to go and cancel a date with a guy same day. But isn't that the right thing to do? Or should I just go? What do I tell the guy I like? If I like him so much, should I give it time and take down my profile? Thanks so much for any advice you can give! I am stuck in a rock and a hard place. So confused!!

I would continue to date other people for *at least* a month or so while you are getting to know guy #1. I don't think it's wise to close off your options and date him exclusively so soon. It takes a good 4-6 months of steady dating to even begin to know whether someone is truly right for you, so while I don't doubt that you like this guy, you really have no idea *yet* if he's really amazing or if you just think he is based on the little you know of him so far.
You don't need to tell him you're dating other people, unless he asks. I personally think it's tacky to talk about it unless the other person asks you, and even then I don't give any details (I just say, yes, I am, as I prefer to date someone for a couple months before I decide whether to date them exclusively).
However, if you are uncomfortable with dating more than one person, you're uncomfortable with it. You have to go with what feels right for you. But even if you do cancel the date and take your profile down, I would still urge you to go slowly with the new guy.
Sheri
I can certainly relate to your dilemna. I have to agree with Sheri, it's too soon to put all your eggs in one basket just yet. I made that mistake with both of the OLD relationships I pursued. Too much too soon and they both ran their courses in 2 months. The intensity with which they took off couldn't sustain the momentum and when things sort of slowed down (as they always do) to a more reasonable pace the guys both bailed.
I keep referring to OLD as the ultimate Meet Market and it's a very tricky thing to maneuver. The best thing about it is also the worst...the opportunities.
Trust your instincts and your heart but don't put too much weight on this yet, regardless of whether you choose to date others or focus on this one. I'm also going to put up the red flag alert about him pulling his profile after the first meet. You should be out there meeting those who interest you and maintaining the friendships you've already cultivated so just be aware if he starts in with questions about who you're spending time with. He sounds a little intense... but it sure is nice when someone gives you that kind of attention.
I'd go out with the other guy, if anything it'll reinforce your feelings about #1.
Have fun and be safe.
Chele
Lolly-
Have you met him yet?
CL-Truewild1969
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Lolly, you'd only be "doing that" to him if you made a commitment to date him exclusively, and didn't keep your word. Unless and until you've expressly made that commitment, he has no right to expect that the two of you are exclusive.
If he presses you about it, I'd say something like, I prefer to take my time and get to know someone for a while before deciding whether to date exclusively.
Sheri
Yes, it's normal not to confirm if the time and place are firm...I don't understand the whole idea behind confirming anyway...if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it unless I have an emergency and then I'll call and cancel!
FWIW, I really think you need to slow things down with T...seeing each other every day is too much, too soon.
Sheri