Advice re: traveling to meet in person

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Advice re: traveling to meet in person
3
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 7:04pm

Hi everyone-

New to ivillage, new to this board. Seems like there is some good advice on this site. =0) I've toyed with online dating on and off over the last three years, and recently took a really quick "dive" back onto match. I am feeling slightly bored with winter existence, and have had some not so great luck with the couple of men I got involved with over the past six months here in my town. So, I've always wanted to take a roadtrip to this town that is about 125 miles from my town. Its a nice place, very pituresque, a good getaway spot.

Anyway, when I was bored and surfing match- I put out a very very speicific match about exactly what I was seeking, and this guy's profile came up in the roadtrip town. I liked what I read, and wrote him. I had to actually activate my match membership (i.e. pay) in order to write him. He wrote back (he also had to activate just to respond- stupid match). Anyway, we've e-mailed a bit, and I like what I've learned so far.

I NEED to get out of town, and on the spur of the moment did some online research and booked a cheap hotel room for the weekend in this town. Then I told him I was coming and would he like to have some coffee? Truly, its more about the roadtrip than meeting this guy- that is bonus fun as I see it.

Anyway, I want to keep it super casual, seriously, just meet for coffee and see if I like him in person. He is already planning on taking me sailing-- yikes! that's more than coffee.

Help! what can I do to just back off his expectations a bit? I feel like he's jumping the gun and don't want either of us to feel obligated. If I like him, we can do some things in public places (NOT alone on the ocean in his boat), and if I don't feel like it, I want to wander around bookstores and coffeeshops alone. HELP!

Thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 7:56pm

Hi there,

I would email him and say something like, "I appreciate the invitation to go sailing, that sounds like a lot of fun, but I'd be more comfortable to just plan on meeting for coffee at this point and seeing how we hit it off before making any additional plans."

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:24pm

I totally agree with what Sheri has said. I would also suggest that you make sure you have your entire weekend planned so that you are busy but you could easily cancel what you're doing or include him should things go well. Sailing with a complete stranger is a big thing to ask. It takes a lot of trust - you would be on a boat, alone, with a stranger whose sailing skills you are not sure about. You don't need to say all that, but say that you're looking forward to meeting him but that you'd like to play anything more than coffee by ear.

Good luck - I hope it goes well.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:48pm

Yes, I totally agree- the thing that concerns me most about the offer to go sailing is being alone with this person in a situation where I can't exactly walk away (as I could in a public spot)!

He builds wooden boats for a living and delivers boats all over the world, so I've got a feeling he can sail. ;0) But that doesn't matter- a coffee house is going to be a lovely place to meet, chat about life, and maybe hear a couple of stories of cool voyages.
If nothing else, its sure to be entertaining.

I will keep any and all activities I decide to include him in in absolutely public places. I am going to send an e-mail just letting him know that I'm more comfortable being a landlubber....... isnt' that the term?