Advice for a RL meet...long

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Advice for a RL meet...long
7
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:34am

Ok girlfriends, I need some advice. I met a guy IRL the other night at a bar.

(Short digression -- I have met three guys at this bar in the last 6 months -- more than in the last year of OLD. Maybe I should take a hint from that...)

Here's the story. There was a band playing that I wanted to see but my movie friends didn't, so I went alone after they went home. This place is right down the street and in fact is the same place where I met my Much Younger Man. One of the guys in the band is a professional whose client I am (I hope you'll forgive me for being vague). A man came in and sat next to me, obviously knew most everybody there, as well as the man in the band whom I know. He started talking to me right away and bought me a beer -- he was very outgoing and friendly. I made an insightful remark about something he said and it really got his attention (yay me) and the conversation got more personal. When the band started up again, he pulled me off my stool and started dancing with me -- spinning and twirling me and even dipping me once. He was a GREAT dancer and I am a sucker for that (I'm pretty good too and he complimented me.) We talked some more, we danced some more. He said he could tell I was brainy and that he liked brainy women. I asked him if he was married (nothing like finding that out AFTER you've wasted a couple of hours.) He said no, showed me pictures of one of his kids, said he'd been divorced about 8 years, and told me where he lives -- it's a notorious HUGE house in our town that was vacant for a long time because nobody could afford to buy it. He gave me his phone number, asked me to go to a show with him the next night. I couldn't go. We danced again and he kissed me (eek!) I said hey, we're in public here, and we sat down again. He kept telling me I was pretty and asked me if I ever wanted to get married again. I tried to duck the question and he said "yes or no?" I said, "well, yes." By now we had closed the bar. He walked me to my car, kissed me again, asked me how he could find me. I said, "here tomorrow night, 11:00." I rummaged around for a scrap of paper and wrote my phone number down on it. We drove away.

I checked him out and he is who he says he is and lives where he said he lives. The next night I did not go back because a. I was exhausted from skiing all day and staying out really late and b. I figured he had gone to the show he had been talking about and probably wouldn't have been there anyway.

Here's my question. If he doesn't call me, given that I didn't go back (so he might think I'm not really interested) and the fact that the phone number was on an (easily lost) scrap of paper, should I contact him? I was thinking of calling him in a few days, or dropping a blank card in the mail with my name and phone number on it. I could just go back and hang out at that bar some more but that seems so random...

Feedback?????

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:39am

Hmmm...I would have called beforehand to let him know I wouldn't be there. I'm a stickler for things like that and would have been quite upset if he hadn't shown and hadn't called, so I would have called. So I think you should call today to apologize for basically standing him up.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 11:49am
I thought about that -- it wasn't really a firm date, it was more one of those things you toss off and he never said "Yes, I'll meet you here then." Also the show he was going to was in a city two hours away, and it was very likely he wouldn't have made it back in time. It was about 2 a.m. when that part of the conversation took place, so ... yes, I know, alcohol and the late hour made that an unwise thing to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:01pm
Hi,
Can you get the band guy who knew both of you to help you out?
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:06pm

I would definitely called him since you didn't show up. If I were him I'd take that as a sign that you weren't interested.

good luck and keep us updated.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:11pm

Likely or not, I still wouldn't want someone thinking I wasn't a person of my word, so I would call and apologize.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:29pm
You are right. I just called him and his voice mail is full. Aaaugh! I'll just keep trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:08am

Update...

I tried him three times but his home phone is forwarded to a cell, which is where the voice mail is still full. Then I consulted my brother, who pointed out that even if I had WANTED to reach him to cancel, I couldn't, and maybe HE should be calling ME (out of concern, for example.)

Brother, who has dated a LOT, says I should not call him but wait for him to call me -- that if he is interested, he will expect to "do some work" to get in touch. He gave me the OK to call after a week.

Meanwhile, I asked another friend what she knows about him and she immediately gave me a quick history and family tree...and is going to ask a guy she knows whether he's a good guy or a player. (This is a small city and I know somebody who knows just about everybody....