Advice/suggestions who calls who??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Advice/suggestions who calls who??
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 7:59pm
HI IM new to dating....ending a 27 year marriage, not my choice but here i am..anyway I have emailed a guy on singles net a couple of times, he seems nice, well he emailed me a couple of days ago and gave me his phone number...I'm a little on the shy side and would rather get to know him a little better through emails. I sent him a reply and asked him when would be a good time to call? Trying to stall a little I guess...I told him I would love to talk with him on the phone but wanted to make sure I would call at a good time. Hes been the perfect gentleman, even told me he was "chompin at the bit to hear my voice", well I haven't heard from him since, that was 2 days I guess my question is so I just call him...or wait to see if he responds to my last emails?? He could just be busy.. and not have much time to get on-line???? I'm also afraid to call because I don't want to seem this point since its been 2 days, since weve e-mailed. Hes pursued me this far, hes contacted me the whole time, I only replied after he has emailed me. He also said HUBBA HUBBA which was a comment about my pic...LOL sorry but I thought that was cute lol anyway any help would be appreciated!! Thanks ~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 9:11am

Hi Marylee,

I'm new on the dating scene too after 13 years of marriage... its so hard to know the right thing to do, but after a while, you'll get the hang of it.

Usually when a guy gives me his number, I put the ball back in his court right away by saying I'd love to talk to you but prefer it if you callme and then give him my number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 10:22am

I was a bit uncomfortable about it but I have taken the initiative and been the first to call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 10:54am

Call the man!

You wont seem desperate! He gave you his number after all! One thing I have learned in life and in OLD is that if you dont go out there and go after what makes you wont get it.

I myself was in your boat at a point...OLD after marriage (of 4 yrs) and I met a guy who seemed ok but who was super shy etc....after getting to know him a bit I went ahead and

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 11:01am

All good advice from other posters.

What I usually do when a guy gives me his number is that I write back, "Thanks for the number. Here's mine as well." And then I let him call. But honestly, I don't think it matters all that much. However, I want them to pursue me a bit in the beginning, so I let them suggest the first meeting and I let them ask me out. Of course, if I'm interested, I make sure they know I'm interested.

Many on this board will disagree with me and encourage you to do the calling and asking out. In the final analysis, if you really do click, it doesn't really matter who calls whom.

But yes, meet sooner rather than later. You really can't determine chemistry from email and phone--amazing but true.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 12:36pm

Do not call him, and don't worry about the e-mails. If you call him, it's a little desperate, and that's the last thing you wanna do right now. If you follow the rule of letting him chase you then it's a win/win situation. I've personally ventured the online dating pool, and the best thing to do is to ask if he wants to meet up somewhere for coffee. You can give him your number, tell him to call whenever.

If you do and you like him, and he likes you, then the ball is always in his court. If you can always play a little hard to get. For instance, don't be around your phone when he calls. Let it go to voice mail, or call him back a few hours later. Let him wonder a little, and trust me that works everytime.

Send him an e-mail, give him your phone number and to call anytime. Do not take long to meet up with him. You can have a call or two with him on the phone and make plans to meet up soon. That way you don't waste your time if you don't like him. One last piece of advice is to not put any thought into a possible future. Good luck!