Advice/Tips on the first meeting

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Advice/Tips on the first meeting
4
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 7:04pm
Hi everyone! I have been talking to this guy that I met online for about four months. Our connection was instant and right away I knew we had something special. However, there are two obstacles: one, he is 16 years older than I am and two, he lives about 3,000 miles away. We have discussed meeting during my Christmas break and now that it's quickly approaching we need to solidify these plans. I have never met anyone I've met online in person and the fact that I am supposed to fly up to meet him is making me all the more nervous. On top of that, it's making my friends and my mother nervous as well! I'm just confused, am I doing the right thing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:42am

Hi and welcome to the board. It is very right to be nervous and wary. You never really know a person you've been chatting with online until you meet in person. First and foremost, I would suggest that he come visit you, NOT vice versa. He is older, probably is a bit more financially able to handle it, it is common courtesy for the guy to come visit the woman first, you'll be where YOU know people and places to go, you can stay in your home vs. a hotel... on and on and on why it's better for him to come here. However, if you go there, a few tips:

1) Arrange for a hotel or to stay with a family member or friend. Whatever you do, do NOT stay with this guy at his home. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT!

2) When you meet for the first time, make sure it's in a public place and arrange for your own transportation. I realize this might be difficult since you are going to see him, but take a taxi, rent a car, call a friend, whatever. But go on your own and have a way back to where you're staying.

3) If anyone can go with you, I'd suggest that too. If this in any way goes not the way you expected, having someone else that you know in town is very much recommended. You have someone that can help you out of a jam or whatever.

4) Make sure you check in with your family and friends several times over the weekend. It will give them peace of mind.

5) Don't go anywhere alone with him in his car until you've spent more time together.

I don't say all this to scare you but just to make sure that you are cautious. The majority of online meets are fine. You hear stories of bad things happening, but those are the exception, not the rule. And yes, if you have sincere interest, you should meet because the fantasy you have of someone online often doesn't match reality. But the fact that you are going to see him and not vice versa alarms me. As the older party and the man here, he should come see you. If you decide to go, be very careful but have fun.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:23pm
Thank you very much for your advice and tips. I think in the back of my mind I knew that he should come down for our first visit for those exact reasons you mentioned and just needed to hear it from someone else. All along we have been planning for me to fly up to see him and it will be hard to tell him, but if this is going to work and he's right for me he will understand. Thank you again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:56pm

Why will it be hard? If he likes you and respects your feelings, there should be no problem. Just tell him that because you are nervous, you would feel better if he came to see you instead of the other way around.

Also keep in mind that long-distance relationship are very hard. It's hard enough when you start out in the same city and then someone moves, but to get one off the ground when you live 3000 miles apart is very, very difficult. If your meet goes well, and you two decide to continue seeing each other, you might find the Long-Distance Relationships board helpful too.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rllongdistan

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:00pm
You're right he should be able to understand if he cares for me the way he says he does. We have discussed the difficulties of a long distance relationship and are both willing to make it work, but I think we won't really know if it can work until after our first meeting. Thank you so much for your advice, it has been a great help!