advise
Find a Conversation
advise
| Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:28am |
Hello all,
I have posted before and I need some honest advice aabout how to proceede.
I first want to give you some background about myself. I got married at 17 and I never really dated anyone put my husband. Now I am 44 and have been single two years. I have not been in a relationship that has lasted more than a month in those 2 years.
I live in Texas and I am planning on moving to Ilinios in May to be closer to my family and also finish graduate school.
I met a man online. He is from the area I plan on moving to. When we first started chatting, I was just asking him about the area I was planning on moving to. I just wanted information about housing.
He left his email on my messenger a few days later and told me to email him if I needed any more informatiom.
IWe began emailing, then chatting. We started talking on the phone, I sent him a picture.
He asked for a newer picture and also a full body shot, which I did do.
We have been taling on the phone every night for the last 5 weeks. When we first started talking, we would talk 2-3 hours, know it's down to 15 minutes.
I am planning on going to ilinios in a few weeks for spring break. he knows this.
I just have a few questions about relationships.
Should I be concerned that he dosn't want to talk on the phone as much?
He hasn't set a date for us to meet when I get thier yet?
He never sent me a recent picture yet. It is a year old, so is he insecure about us meeting?
He said he has been hurt in the past by his ex wife, she cheated on him. He said he is scared of getting hurt and that we should become friends first.
I agree and have the same issues. I am new at this and don't want to rush him. We seem to have a lot in common and I really like him.
I also wonder, do men treat woman different in the beginning of a relationship and then do they get more relaxed and stop pursuing them?
I am so new to dating and I know that I have issues about trust. I just want som advice on how to have a healthy relationship with men. All comments would greatly appreciated.
thanks
Marie
I have posted before and I need some honest advice aabout how to proceede.
I first want to give you some background about myself. I got married at 17 and I never really dated anyone put my husband. Now I am 44 and have been single two years. I have not been in a relationship that has lasted more than a month in those 2 years.
I live in Texas and I am planning on moving to Ilinios in May to be closer to my family and also finish graduate school.
I met a man online. He is from the area I plan on moving to. When we first started chatting, I was just asking him about the area I was planning on moving to. I just wanted information about housing.
He left his email on my messenger a few days later and told me to email him if I needed any more informatiom.
IWe began emailing, then chatting. We started talking on the phone, I sent him a picture.
He asked for a newer picture and also a full body shot, which I did do.
We have been taling on the phone every night for the last 5 weeks. When we first started talking, we would talk 2-3 hours, know it's down to 15 minutes.
I am planning on going to ilinios in a few weeks for spring break. he knows this.
I just have a few questions about relationships.
Should I be concerned that he dosn't want to talk on the phone as much?
He hasn't set a date for us to meet when I get thier yet?
He never sent me a recent picture yet. It is a year old, so is he insecure about us meeting?
He said he has been hurt in the past by his ex wife, she cheated on him. He said he is scared of getting hurt and that we should become friends first.
I agree and have the same issues. I am new at this and don't want to rush him. We seem to have a lot in common and I really like him.
I also wonder, do men treat woman different in the beginning of a relationship and then do they get more relaxed and stop pursuing them?
I am so new to dating and I know that I have issues about trust. I just want som advice on how to have a healthy relationship with men. All comments would greatly appreciated.
thanks
Marie

>>I just want som advice on how to have a healthy relationship with men.
Watch for what they DO rather than what they say.
In general you will have better luck with meeting people asap after establishing that initial email contact. This means your expectations are not built unrealistically.
Who knows why he won't send a picture. Could be any number of reasons - the most likely being he gained a pound or a hundred since that last one was taken.
I'm assuming that you are active in Online Dating. If I were in your shoes I'd build up some additional prospects other than this guy -- but I'd wait until I was local and settled before posting the Ad in that area.
I too, would not put all of my eggs in one
basket. Keep your options open. You may
get to IL during spring break, only to be
disappointed. As for the picture and
phone calls, it could be anything, really.
He might not truly be a phone person, maybe he's
picky about his pictures and none taken
recently have met his standards. Just
be careful, take your time and try to
remain open minded about other possible
suitors.
>>Should I be concerned that he dosn't want to talk on the phone as much?<<
Concerned about what? You don't have a relationship with him- you've never met him. What is there to be concerned about, that he's cheating on the woman he's never actually seen or something?
.
>>He hasn't set a date for us to meet when I get thier yet?<<
And this concerns you exactly why? You haven't met him yet- it's not like he's your boyfriend or anything.
.
>>He never sent me a recent picture yet. It is a year old, so is he insecure about us meeting?<<
He might be insecure, but you can't tell that from the fact that it's a year-old picture. Guys are just more like that than women are.
I might sound a bit harsh with this note, but let's face it- you're talking about concerns and worries over a guy YOU HAVE NEVER MET. You only THINK you know him, but you don't. You don't know if he smiles all the time, or if he projects an air of authority, or if he comes off like a jerk in restaurants, or if he smells good or bad. You really don't know much of anything about him, and yet you're concerned and talking as though you're already in some kind of romantic relationship with him.
Well, you're not. Give it up, keep any/all chats with him short, send an occasional email, and don't stress until you get to town and moved in. Once you do, then you can see if he's into you or not. Until then, you don't know diddly and therefore shouldn't worry about it because there's absolutely nothing you can do anyway.